I Can’t Be a “Keeper At Home” Because …

What are the reasons you give for not being a “keeper at home”?

Have you ever listed them out and checked the Scripture for the answers?

I can’t be a “Keeper at Home” because …

1. We can’t afford it.

2. My husband doesn’t make enough money.

3. My husband wants me to work.

4. My kids would drive me crazy.

5. My children learn alot from their daycare.

6. I worked hard for my degree.

7. I am good at what I do.

8. What would I have to talk about but kids?

9. We could never have a vacation if I didn’t work.

10. I work so my children can attend a good Christian school.

11. What about college for my kids?

12. I don’t like feeling like I’m just a housewife.

13. We would have to move to a smaller house.

What other reasons have you given or heard others give?

Read back over that list and notice the focus.

The focus is on ourselves.

Where should a Christian’s first focus be?

Should it not be on Christ?

What if we turned the focus around? I provided you the first verse but see if you can find verses that apply to each situation.

I can be a “keeper at home” because …

1. The Lord promises to provide for all our needs.

Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ESV

2. The Lord knows how much money my husband needs.

3. Is the Lord working to teach your Christian husband to trust in Him instead of himself?

4. Have you raised your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Will their childish disobedience today lead to rejecting the obedience to the Lord later?

5. My children learn alot from their daycare that is against the Lord’s teaching. My children were given to me as blessings from the Lord and I am perfectly able to teach them what they need with the Lord’s help.

6. I worked hard for my degree, but do I work as hard at obeying the Lord? Is this a pride issue?

7. I am good at what I do, but maybe I desire the accolades of men more than of the Lord.

8. What would I have to talk about but kids? Maybe if I spent more serious time in Bible study I can share about what the Lord is teaching me.

9. We could never have a vacation if I didn’t work. Are vacations a requirement? What if we got funding for a mission trip instead?

10. I work so my children can attend a good Christian school. But what about homeschooling which is much cheaper and lacks many negatives that come from large groups of foolish children being together with little supervision.

11. What about college for my kids? Am I sure college is God’s will for my children? If it is, can not God provide for it?

12. I don’t like feeling like I’m just a housewife. But then I’m not “just” a housewife. I am a child of the King, who is “keeping His Home” and raising the blessings He gave me to glorify the Lord.

13. We would have to move to a smaller house. Yet maybe that would be God’s will for us. We would have less expenses. We wouldn’t have to worry about “keeping up with the Jones.” We wouldn’t have the fees associated with the neighborhood covenants.

Can you think of more faulty thinking on your part?

We have faulty thinking that covers every area of our lives.

What are your faulty thinking traps that you fall into?

Now I’ll duck before the rock throwing begins 🙂


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5 thoughts on “I Can’t Be a “Keeper At Home” Because …

  1. Pingback: Berean Wife » I Can’t Afford to ….

  2. I found this article to be very helpful. In fact, I am going to be sending the link to my husband. I’m a newlywed, and shared my desires to be a housewife for a short period on time so I could learn what is needed to run a household because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I’ve been guilty lately because my husband is the only person who makes money and I just maintain the household. However, (one thing I brought up with my husband that I would like to suggest to be added to your article is) outside temptation from male co-workers was a concern for me. When told my husband about this being an issue, he was more accepting of me maintaining the home. I hope he reads this and develops a better understanding and hold back any resentment he may have with me staying home.
    thanks

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Viola,

    I’m glad you found the article helpful.

    One thing I’ve learned over the years is not to think of just maintaining the home. You can take the same energy you put forth in an outside job to develop a supplemental income from the home or to trim the expenses for the home. You might be amazed at how much money you can save if you take the job of home management seriously. These are good things to learn before you have children.

    Berean Wife

    P.S. There are further discussions on these topics if you click the links at the bottom of the post.

  3. But after years and years of lies and trying to help someone and nothing changing it gets tiresome. I put my all into my marriage and now I have nothing left. I’ve learned I have to make sure I’m happy and taken care of before my marriage or I can’t function. That’s what no one ever tells you and that’s why years into a marriage women leave. Today women have the ability to be happy and live the life they want. My husband has always used me for my effort at finances, work and relationships. It seems like God will never bless my husband. It’s a big anniversary and my husband doesn’t have any money to do anything. I don’t feel bad for him though, he’s known for years this was coming and should have saved and made plans. He always lies to me and unfortunately what no one tells you is that nothing changes. He could change, he could tell the truth, he could make more money, he could plan, but he won’t. At least I’m not working and letting him live off of me anymore. I’m working to go back to graduate school and use that as a second chance. I think independent women that can provide for themselves and be happy should stay single. My husband has done nothing but derail me and hurt me.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Anonymous,

    I don’t know you and all the information I have is what you have written. So I will go through your comment and point out why the evidence shows that you are not a truly Biblical Christian but have a god of your own making, one that you turn to when things don’t go your way, like a ‘genie in a bottle’, to grant you your wishes. I know that sounds harsh but the truth is often harsh. I pray you will open up your Bible and seek the real, true and living God, not a figment of your imagination.

    Here is how I arrived at that conclusion:

    But after years and years of lies and trying to help someone and nothing changing it gets tiresome.

    What does the Lord do but spend years and years offering Salvation and yet we reject Him, lie to Him and ourselves, and make promises to do better and continually fail? Why do you expect your husband to do any different than how you treat the Lord? The Lord is perfectly holy and just yet you fail time and time again. Why do you have higher expectations for your husband than you do for yourself?

    Thankfully though, the Lord is merciful and longsuffering, He often waits a lifetime for a person to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9) Have you suffered a lifetime for your husband?

    Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV)
    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
    23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

    Longsuffering is a fruit of the Spirit. It isn’t an option; it is the direct result of the Holy Spirit living and dwelling in a believer. If your life is not characterized by love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, etc., then you do not have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. Now we are not perfect, we will fail and sin. However, if you are not disciplined by the Lord and brought to repentance you are not a child of His. (Hebrews 12:7-8) The Lord disciplines His own. If you are not brought to repentance for your lack of the fruit of the Spirit you are not a child of the Lord.

    I put my all into my marriage and now I have nothing left.

    Christ gave His all for us and yet we continually reject Him. You have not given your all, you’ve given just some. As you state below you have to make sure you are happy and take care of yourself, aka “taking care of number one”. If you are making sure you are happy you have not given all. The Lord should be number one in a believer’s life, not ourselves. We are to pour ourselves into the Lord and those He gives us. We are to be poured out as living sacrifices. (Romans 12:1; Philippians 2:17; 2 Timothy 4:6) Being poured out means nothing remains, nothing is held back for ourselves. We give all to the Lord and those He would have us pour our lives into, such as our husband and children.

    I’ve learned I have to make sure I’m happy and taken care of before my marriage or I can’t function.

    You can’t function if your selfish needs aren’t met because you are still living under the bondage of Satan and your flesh. You’ve bought into the “wisdom” of this world and not the Gospel of the Lord. Where in the Bible does it say you must make sure you are happy? It doesn’t. You can’t function because you are living a lie; you act as if you are a believer serving the Lord and yet you know deep in your heart you are serving yourself. That is why you cannot function.

    That’s what no one ever tells you and that’s why years into a marriage women leave. Today women have the ability to be happy and live the life they want.

    That is what the world says all the time. The world declares take care of number one, look out for yourself, find yourself, etc. You have listened to the world and have forsaken the teaching of the Bible. The Bible calls us to die to self. (Matthew 16:24-25; John 3:30) Years into marriage women who allow their selfishness to build will forsake all, seeking after that elusive goal of self-centered happiness which can never be attained. That is why the richest and most self-centered stars of the world are some of the most unhappy people who take drugs, alcohol and ultimately suicide to dull the pain of their unhappiness of “looking out for number one”. Being happy and living the life you want do not go hand-in-hand. If they did then there wouldn’t be so much depression and mental illness. True joy only comes from being in a right relationship with the Lord.

    My husband has always used me for my effort at finances, work and relationships.

    You have an odd way of looking at marriage. Your husband used you? That is sorta like your leg saying “Those arms use me to get around. They don’t deserve to be transported back and forth. Big deal that the arms scratch my itches and help take care of my wounds.” That is how foolish your statement sounds. A husband and a wife become one flesh, they are not two individuals; they are bound together as one. You cannot rip off an arm and be better for it. You were created to be your husband’s helpmate. (Genesis 2:18) You were created to help your husband.

    It seems like God will never bless my husband.

    God typically doesn’t bless those who are not His own. But then again what are your criteria for a blessing? True blessings are not necessarily money. The only lasting blessings are Salvation, children and a life glorifying the Lord. The rest will be burned up.

    It’s a big anniversary and my husband doesn’t have any money to do anything. I don’t feel bad for him though, he’s known for years this was coming and should have saved and made plans.

    Sounds like you have an expectation that isn’t fulfilled. How many of his expectations have you not fulfilled? Have you discussed this or just assumed he should know what you want? But really now not getting the big gift you want for an anniversary is such a shallow self-centered way to live! While you are complaining about not getting what you want others are living in tents around here due to the tornadoes. While you complain there are families grieving the loss of loved ones. While you complain there are wives wishing they had their husband back who has died. While you complain ………… Purely selfish motives will not be blessed by the Lord.

    He always lies to me and unfortunately what no one tells you is that nothing changes. He could change, he could tell the truth, he could make more money, he could plan, but he won’t.

    Nope, he won’t change nor will you. No one can seriously change unless the Lord changes them. Sounds like you both need to die to self and be made alive in Christ. Only then will there be lasting change. You need to find the true God of the Bible and not the god you’ve created in your mind.

    At least I’m not working and letting him live off of me anymore. I’m working to go back to graduate school and use that as a second chance. I think independent women that can provide for themselves and be happy should stay single. My husband has done nothing but derail me and hurt me.

    With an attitude like what you have expressed I’m sure your husband could say the same about you. Selfishness hurts all those involved and everyone near. Selfishness will never lead to happiness.

    James 3:13-18 (ESV)
    13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.
    14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.
    15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.
    16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
    17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.
    18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

    Psalms 119:34-37 (ESV)
    34 Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
    35 Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.
    36 Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!
    37 Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

    Only when you give up your selfishness and die to self will you ever experience true peace and happiness. I suggest you find a Nouthetic Counselor in your area. A Nouthetic Counselor counsels according to the Bible and not according to the “wisdom” of man. Until then start reading in the New Testament and write down every verse that deals with dying to self, being conformed to Christ and not falling for the world’s “wisdom”. Then you will see that you have been living a lie and worshiping a god of your own making.

    I pray you will seriously consider this and not harden your heart to the truth.

    Berean Wife

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