Over a year ago I was asked about the stance some (very few) churches take about divorce and remarriage. Until that point I had never heard of the idea proposed by some churches to have their remarried members divorce and remarry their first spouse. Their contention is that since a marriage is the combining of a man and a women into one flesh for life that divorce and remarriage was adultery and the first marriage was the “real” marriage.

Two verses came to my mind when I was asked this question:

Deuteronomy 24:1-4
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife,
3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife,
4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance. ESV

1 Corinthians 7:27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. ESV

But I read lots of articles and sermons concerning the matter about remarriage. However my intitial thoughts were not changed but confirmed. Whether or not you believe that there are valid Biblical reasons for divorce, there seems to be no valid Biblical reason for leaving a second spouse to return to the first.

Are people who remarry in danger of committing perpetual adultery?
Matthew 5:31-32, Deuteronomy 24:2-4, Mark 10:11-12
Code: QA518

What is the status of a Christian who divorces without biblical grounds and remarries? Is he living in perpetual adultery? What about the concept of forgiveness? If someone has remarried unbiblically and seek forgiveness, is he forgiven?

In Matthew 5:31-32, Jesus says, “It has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

Jesus is saying that the act of remarriage is an act of adultery. He is not teaching that the ongoing conjugal relationship with the new spouse is a state of “perpetual adultery”–as if God refused to recognize the remarriage as legitimate in any sense.

If that were the case–if the ongoing physical relationship between the remarried couple constituted one long, continuous, adulterous affair—the proper remedy, and the only way to end the chain of adultery, would be to dissolve the second marriage and insist that everyone return to his or her original spouse. On the contrary, Scripture teaches that the new marriage is now binding. In order to avoid further acts of adultery, the remarried person needs to remain faithful to the new spouse.

As a matter of fact, in the same passage where Moses permitted husbands to issue a certificate of divorce, the law added this restriction: “When she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD” (Deuteronomy 24:2-4, emphasis added).

Clearly, the second marriage—whether biblically justified or not—becomes as binding as the original marriage was supposed to be. A return to the original spouse is strictly forbidden.

So Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:32 (and Mark 10:11-12) mean simply that entering into an illegitimate remarriage is an adulterous act. Nevertheless, once that new marriage covenant is sealed, the remarried couple needs to remain married and be faithful to one another. Their on going physical relationship is not to be thought of as “perpetual adultery.”

On the other hand, as long as they remain unrepentant about the illegitimate remarriage, they cannot expect God’s blessing on their marriage. Like all sins, that unauthorized remarriage must be confessed and repented of.

Because marriage entails a covenant that God deems holy, any remarriage (even remarriage after an unbiblical divorce) cannot be—and should not be—forsaken as we would forsake virtually any other sin. But people who have entered into such a relationship do need to seek God’s forgiveness with sincere repentance.

And yes, God does grant forgiveness for such sins to those who seek His pardon in Christ.

Phil Johnson
Executive Director
Grace to You

John Piper says:

Those who are already remarried:

1. Should acknowledge that the choice to remarry and the act of entering a second marriage was sin, and confess it as such and seek forgiveness

2. Should not attempt to return to the first partner after entering a second union.

3. Should not separate and live as single people thinking that this would result in less sin because all their sexual relations are acts of adultery. The Bible does not give prescriptions for this particular case, but it does treat second marriages as having significant standing in God’s eyes. That is, there were promises made and there has been a union formed. It should not have been formed, but it was. It is not to be taken lightly. Promises are to be kept, and the union is to be sanctified to God. While not the ideal state, staying in a second marriage is God’s will for a couple and their ongoing relations should not be looked on as adulterous.

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4 commenters so far

1.  Anonymous
April 29th, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Jesus’ words were plain and simple. “It has been said…BUT I say…” How can we then go to deutronomy to defend re-marriage when it has been abrogated?. In deutronomy, men were allowed to divorce and the wife was free to marry again, but Jesus said “what God has put together let no man put asunder”. Deutronomy 24:2-4 does not apply to christians just as unclean foods do not apply.

her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled
The reason for it being an abomination is highlighted. She was considered unclean. Even when God allowed divorce due to the hardness of men’s hearts, he still considered the woman in that marriage as defiled and she continued to be in a defiled state even if the second man divorced her or died.

Now when divorce is not allowed and re-marriage is considered to be adultery, how can we say that the ones in the new marriage should not be considered adulterous? How can we say that the new marriage is legitimate? If there is repentance of sin, should one continue in it? If one repents of an adulterous relationship should one continue in it? When the first marriage under the new testament is never dissolved how is it an abomination to return to one’s first love AFTER repentance? Will not repentance nullify any uncleanness under grace?

[Reply]

Berean Wife Reply:

Anonymous,

You are correct that we are not bound by the OT laws that were for Israel. However, those that proposed divorce and remarrying the first spouse do pick and choose from the OT Law, they just like Ezra better. We can’t have it both ways.

It is true that divorce is not allowed but neither are many other sins. We as humans cannot undo our sins and the consequences. Only the Lord can do so if He chooses. We cannot undo murder nor can we undo a divorce. But we can be forgiven and go and sin no longer.

Repentance can allow us to be forgiven of our sins; however repentance does not remove the consequences of our sins. If drunk driving causes a death not amount of repentance and forgiveness will bring back the dead person and the legal consequences still stand.

Berean Wife

[Reply]

2.  Anonymous
April 30th, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Thanks for your reply. Ok I just want to say that I’m not one of ‘those’ ezra loving people. I don’t believe in divorce and re-marriage. I’m just talking about christians who get married and think divorce is no big deal, that they can get remarried when they feel like it and God would bless that new marriage. I cannot understand how God would legitimize such a marriage when it is not valid in his sight. Whatever the law of the land is, that christian couple isn’t married in God’s sight. They are living an adulterous life. It was not so in the OT. I don’t know if the NT standard applies to non-christians or christians who committed such acts before getting saved. Regarding the law of the land, what if the law in your area says gays can get married. Is their marriage legitimate in God’s sight? How then can the first divorce and subsequent re-marriage be recognized by the Lord?

I said divorce is no longer allowed. I made a mistake. Divorce is not only not allowed, it is no longer recognized. It is meaningless. If one reads Jesus’ statement, the sin is not the divorce (which is now a useless document) but the remarriage(which is adultery). Yes we cannot undo sin but we can turn away from it through repentance. How does one turn away from an adulterous relationship? Certainly not by continuing in it. I’m only speaking with regard to a christian couple that knows the scripture and still goes ahead re-marrying. I believe “once married, always married till ‘death’(not divorce) do us apart”.

[Reply]

Berean Wife Reply:

Anonymous,

Well, that is good that you are not one who pushes the Ezra passage on believers today. And I agree that divorce is typically no big deal, not only in society, but also in the church itself. Until the church starts taking divorce seriously and enforcing consequences, we will continue to spiral out of control.

Concerning the Law of the Land, Scripture is clear that we should and must disregard it when it is against God’s Word; for example, homosexual marriage. What I was talking about is that once a person is legally married to another they must be legally divorced in order to leave their spouse that is the Law. While granted divorce is wrong and there are consequences, we cannot say that the Scriptures say a divorced and remarried person must divorce again and return to the first spouse. Divorce is like the OT laws concerning bodily harm and damage. A divorce rips apart the one flesh union and there are open wounds and consequences. However, just as man cannot return an amputated limb to a person no matter how much they may desire to repair the damage, they also must suffer serious and lasting consequences for a lifetime for a divorce. We cannot repair that broken one flesh union, even if there was no other marriages, that union is always scarred and damaged. But we can repent and make apologies and reparations as the Lord leads us.

In an ideal Christian society there would be no divorces. However, there would also be no other sin. But that doesn’t exist. While divorce is extremely serious and a very significant sin it is not the unforgiveable sin. The Lord may judge those who don’t grant other mercy much harder than those who have sinned by divorcing.

Berean Wife

[Reply]

3.  Anonymous
May 1st, 2010 at 4:01 am

I brought up homosexual marriage because it presents a problem with this view. If the homosexual married couple accepts Christ, repents and turns away from their homosexuality and want Godly heterosexual life partners, what are they to do? The law of the land will require divorce first and then re-marriage but in God’s sight there was no real marriage and thus no real divorce. Am I wrong on this?. If I’m right regarding the false homosexual union, then shouldn’t the same principle apply to a false heterosexual union: the remarriage when God never considered the earlier divorce in the first place, irrespective of the law of the land.

Divorce, God did hate when it was applicable but now divorce, God does not consider when it is redundant. The sin is adultery/remarriage not divorce. Repentance of sin means turning away from it, not continuing in it.

Divorce did break the union when God allowed it but it no longer has the power to do so. What God has put together, let no man put asunder. Only God can break the union. When God allowed man to break the union through divorce, it was God not man who made it possible to break the union. When God said “let no man put asunder”, he removed that allowance. We cannot dissolve the marriage bond with divorce, it is powerless.

[Reply]

Berean Wife Reply:

Anonymous,

But see the difference with homosexual “marriage” is that it is never acceptable to the Lord. That is not the case in heterosexual marriage. There were real divorces allowed for in the OT and the Lord did recognize the second and beyond marriage. Solomon was the child of David and Bathsheba; however, Bathsheba was not David’s first wife nor his only wife. Yet the Lord not only recognized but blessed Solomon.

We can’t use instances like that to make divorce and remarriage acceptable; however, we can acknowledge that the Lord can and will use the consequences of our sins for His Glory. We would not be in such dire shape if the church and pastors actually refused to marry those who were divorced. But once a marriage has occurred we must move on in the grace and mercy of the Lord.

Berean Wife

[Reply]

4.  Anonymous
May 1st, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Actually I’m arguing against divorce and remarriage. A remarriage is not a marriage recognized by God or else it would not be labeled adultery. During the OT times divorce was recognized and remarriage was not adultery. When remarriage is now termed adultery, no matter which church or state blesses it, it is no marriage. We can’t use instances from the old Testament to justify divorce and re-marriage in the church. Divorce does not break the union of marriage anymore. The divorced person who remarries is still married to their original spouse. Hence this new marriage is adulterous. It wouldn’t have been so if divorce had broken the bond.

[Reply]

Berean Wife Reply:

Anonymous,

You will get no argument from me proposing divorce and remarriage in any way or form. However, I cannot say that the Lord does not recognize a divorce because the Scriptures do not say that. The Lord does see our sin be it divorce or selfish anger with another and thankfully the Lord is merciful and forgiving both to those who are divorced and also to those who are angry with another or whatever sin we have committed. We cannot jump from instructions to not divorce all the way to God does not recognize divorce nor does divorce break the marriage bond. That is handling the Scriptures improperly. We cannot say what it does not say.

The Lord has a very good reason for not telling believers to divorce their second spouse and return to the first. He could have very clearly stated that and resolved the issue one way or the other. However, He did not so nether can we!

Berean Wife

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