The Older Feminist Women Today

Have you ever sat and thought about the feminist women, those of the sixties through the eighties, who are getting older?  The ones who rejected marriage or else went through several failed marriages?  They may or may not have children.  Do you know any that fit that description?

One thing I’ve noticed more and more frequently is that there are large amounts of women who are getting past the prime of their life and they are doing so alone. 

  • They do not have a husband to grow old with.

  • They often don’t have children to help care for them.

  • If they do have children many times the children are insecurely attached.  They’ve spent too many years in changing childcare situations to be attached well.

  • The women have to work hard to be able to support themselves on their income so often they work much later in life or for many more hours than others.

  • But the most interesting thing and sad thing is that the women are often so bitter and depressed.  They are still mad at men even though many rejected men years ago.

The older feminist women wanted their freedom and the right to make their own choices without the government, the church, husbands or families having any input.  They have gotten what they wanted, but do they really want that now?  No, now they are lonely and forgotten. 

Now granted some of the women who have large amounts of money are able to buy and pay for all they need.  But the average American woman who accepted the feminist ideology, where does that put her?  She is often barely getting by, worried about her retirement account, afraid of being sick or alone and she’s miserable.

For fear of becoming victims to husbands and tied down with children they have now become their own victims.  Victims to loneliness and depression.  From fear of being badgered by oppressive husbands, they have become badgered by oppressive bosses.

The deeper problem is that the Lord was rejected just as soundly as the men were rejected.  You can’t be a Bride of Christ if you reject the principles of marriage.  While a few feminist have been part of the church, I contend they have distorted their relationship with Christ just as they distorted their relationships with men.  You cannot reject submission in all human forms and still submit to Jesus Christ as Lord.

How can we today minister to these droves of lonely and miserable women who are in need of the Savior and the Bridegroom whom they’ve rejected?



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18 thoughts on “The Older Feminist Women Today

  1. She is often barely getting by, worried about her retirement account, afraid of being sick or alone and she’s miserable.

    Says who? I bet you a lot of SAHM’s are feeling the same way do to the economy or just life circumstances in general.
    I am a stay at home mom and I worry about OUR retirement, and the fact that if something happen to my husband I would not have an income or health insurance.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    I have seen this in many women’s lives, spoken purely from experience and research.

    While true there are SAHM’s who worry about “barely getting by, worried about her retirement account” what is forgotten is that SAHM moms have husbands to worry about that with. All burdens are easier with another alongside of us. That is what feminist have rejected “family”, they decided they can do everything better on their own and now they are reaping the harvest of being “On their Own”.

    Berean Wife

  2. We’ve been having a conversation based loosely on this same topic on my blog.

    I suggested that in many cases, women end up alone not because they were intending to never marry, but because they followed the feminist agenda and put priorities in the wrong order.

    Of course, the result is still the same- they end up alone. And you are right. It is much more of a relief to have someone to worry about these universal concerns with.

    It’s interesting that some of the old feminists, like Gloria Steinem, end up married after they convinced millions of women that “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Terry,

    I did read over your post about women and marriage but just failed to find a chance to read it better or to comment and now I’m way behind on the comment stream 🙁 Wow, these really do go hand in hand. Seems like that is the other side of the same coin. Women putting everything before marriage and family and now are finding it is too late. I also hope the younger women are seeing the issues sooner than our mothers did. Maybe if they are observant to how so many “independent” women are now unhappy in their retirement things will change.

    I had noticed that the feminist women did not seem to not follow their own wisdom. I guess once you start a movement it is hard to admit you are wrong. I think even many women today would deny to their dying breath that they regret following the feminism of the day. None of us want to admit that our behavior has caused us to be in the shape we are in. 🙁

    Berean Wife

  3. I think it is very sad to see women like that. I cannot imagine going through life without someone to lean on when things get rough.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Kelli,

    Tell me it isn’t just me noticing the lonely women with no one to share their joys and pains with. I seem to notice it quite frequently, especially in my extended family. While the Lord is sufficient for all we need it does help to have another should to lean upon at times.

    Berean Wife

  4. Sure it’s easier to get through trials w/ someone by your side, but there are plenty of women who have chosen marriage and still feel lonely. There are plenty of women who had chosen marriage and are now widowed and lonely. I just don’t believe that all of these women who never chose marriage are now lonely and depressed. It’s usually the SAHM’s you hear about being lonely and depressed…wishing they had adult interaction, and wishing to get out without the kids. Are there studies that have been done about women who never married regretting it and being lonely later in life???? I know people(Christians) who are married and miserable, people who NEVER married and are miserable, people who are married and happy and people who NEVER married that are happy.
    Everybody will make life choices and everyone will have regrets. I bet a lot of women prayed for the right man to come along and he never did. God doesn’t always give us what we ask for. Maybe the woman who never found the right man is now depressed.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    There have always been widows and childless women who have been lonely. The Lord particularly directs us as believers to care for the widows. However, a widow is a widow usually due to no action on her own part. There is a big difference in being widowed and in being lonely because of our selfish sinfulness and rejecting God’s plan for women as a helpmeet.

    If a SAHM is consistently depressed, lonely and wanting to escape from her children then she has fallen into a sinful pattern. Often it is due to discontent, lust and selfishness. Not lust in the sense most people think of it, but lust for something different then what God has provided.

    1 Timothy 6:6-8
    6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment,
    7 for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.
    8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.
    ESV

    See God knows exactly what we need to be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). If we are lonely in our marriage, due to no sinful actions of our own, which is doubtful that we haven’t any sinful actions in the marriage, then the Lord has deemed that the loneliness is what is needed to teach us and conform us to His image.

    If a woman is married, she is married to the perfect husband for her, no matter whether they were unbelievers when they married or if she as a believer married an unbeliever. Even despite the fact that many marriages are made in sin as a result of adultery and divorce. Once you are married that spouse is the perfect spouse that the Lord has for you. If you are married, you are married to the “right” man. When a wife contemplates that her husband is not the “right” man she is sinning and lusting after something the Lord did not give her, even if only singleness.

    The point of the post is not to belittle those who have rejected God’s will for women in order to fulfill their own selfish desires. The point is that those who are in such a situation are in dire need of the Salvation, Grace and Mercy of the Lord whom they have thwarted in seeking their own desires. Just as the Lord knows what kind of spouse we need to be conformed to His image, the Lord also knows that lonely women need to cry out to Him as the eternal Bridegroom who will never leave nor forsake.

    Yes, there are many case studies about feminism, depression and unhappiness. There are also beginning to be many previous feminist speak out about the harm feminism has caused to women. Here are two previous posts about Feminism with outside links. And as I’ve said I have met and know many women in that category.

    Feminism Isn’t About Happiness

    Feminism Has Made Women Unhappy

    But no matter what, if a woman is not willing to live in God’s will for her life and in the roles He created for her, she will be unhappy and miserable whether married, divorced, single, mother or barren.

    Berean Wife

  5. In this post you talked about feminist women who chose not to marry ending up miserable and lonely. I have observed that women end up miserable and lonely for a lot of different reasons.
    By the “right man”, I just meant HUSBAND. As in a single women might not have had the right man come along therefore they are not married.

    Thanks for the links, I’ll check them out. I am interested in this.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    While it is correct that there are women whom God has chosen and “gifted” to remain single, the general instructions in Scripture is for the women to marry. Paul praised the “gift” of singleness and yet instructed women to marry and bear children. Why is that? Because women were created to be helpmeets and nurturers of children by God. We will not be content if we reject God’s plans for us.

    Many women are single through their own choosing whether they admit it or not. They were too busy with education and careers to settle down in a marriage when young and now they find there are limited options later in life for marriage. Another issue is the women who were looking for good Christian husbands but were looking for Mr. Perfect, which does not exist. I have been surprised at the comments elsewhere of how women rejected the “nice” guys while looking for their ideal of a husband.

    [email protected] has posted about the other side of this issue women who have rejected marriage until it seems too late, Unmarried Women, Uninterested Men.

    Another article dealing with depression and feminism is Dennis Prager’s Why Are So Many Women Depressed?

    But like I said if anyone is depressed, miserable and lonely, no matter their marital status, it is because they are sinning. They have taken their focus off the Lord and put it on themselves. We need to remember that our focus should be on glorifying the Lord in all we do and not on ourselves. Much easier said than done. 🙁

    Berean Wife

  6. This has been an interesting thread to read because I think Val misses an important point: It is the nature of human beings, and women in particular it seems, to be chronically discontent. If I can find the reference, I’ll be back, but the research is very clear that if you surveyed most of the husbands of these “miserable” married women, they are usually happy with the state of their unions.

    Now the typical feminist mantra would be something like this:

    “Well of course men are happy. They don’t work half as hard as women do. We women have to work all day then come home and work a second shift. Men don’t do this. Men don’t do that.”

    Never mind that women chose this lifestyle. As for SAHM mothers who are unhappy, I refer you to Berean Wife’s most recent post about being conformed to the image of Christ through marriage. Much of the unhappiness women face can be cured simply by refraining from Hollywood movies, romance novels, and so called women’s magazines. And spending more time in the word and prayer. This is a Christian blog, after all.

    And yes, I realize that there are such thing as bad husbands. But there are also such things as bad wives.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Terry,

    Why, oh, why can we seem to never be contented? I guess that is our sinful natures wanting to control us.

    I, too, have read the research that shows discontented, miserable wives and happy husbands. Please do share the link if you find it.

    The media does increase our discontent. You know how children will just devour a new catalog with the latest must have items. The “must haves” that they didn’t know existed until they saw it in the catalog. (In my days it was the new Sears and Roebuck, huge catalog. We fought over it as children. :0)

    Actually, I would say we are all bad wives, some of us are just worse than others!

    Berean Wife

  7. Terry said:
    Much of the unhappiness women face can be cured simply by refraining from Hollywood movies, romance novels, and so called women’s magazines.

    I think the unhappiness women feel now a days go way beyond being jealous or discontent because of someone in a movie,book or magazine.
    I agree that more time in the word and prayer is the answer for being more content though. I believe that the word has the answer to all our questions, problems etc.

    Just for the record,I’m not one of those miserable SAHM’s I posted about. I’m not 100% content but certainly not miserable.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    We American women have trouble realizing how much of our expectations of life are shaped by the media. Media’s portrayal of life affects us daily whether we notice it or not. Think about how young girls are affected by body image by what they see in movies and magazines (or even Barbie!). It is really hard to weed out the cultural media bias that we have been raised with. We can’t see it in ourselves by ourselves, only when the Lord reveals it to us will we see how tainted by the world we really are.

    That is why reading the Scripture is so helpful, it helps us to replace our worldly glasses with Scriptural Glasses.

    I’m glad that you aren’t a miserable SAHM, but it sounds as though you know some. You are in a position to help guide other moms into the truth of Scripture and becoming transformed into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29-30). That is our instructions from the Book of Titus.

    Titus 2:3-5
    3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,
    4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
    5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
    ESV

    When we look at the wives in other countries, such as Haiti, there is no reason for an American SAHM to be miserable and unhappy. We have been blessed beyond measure.

    Berean Wife

  8. Berean Wife
    Do you think a person can have a bad day or a bad season without it being related to their sin?

    Also I agree with your post above especially in reference to Haiti.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    You asked:

    “Do you think a person can have a bad day or a bad season without it being related to their sin?”

    Absolutely, definitely, no doubt about it. Just read the book of Job. Satan was allowed to test Job through no fault of Job’s. However, the Lord did use that period of testing to teach Job and to grow him in the image of his future Redeemer.

    Job 42:3; 6 Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. … therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” ESV

    So Job actually repented of his sin of thinking wrongly about God. But this was not the cause of his calamity but was the result of growth through the calamity.

    The only problem is most of us are not as righteous as Job was. While the Lord could say the following about Job:

    Job 1:8 And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” ESV

    He could not say that about most of us. Our sins do cause most of our struggles. Our righteousness is the righteousness that is given to us by Christ and only Christ’s, not any of ours.

    Even Christ suffered here on earth but not as a result of His sin but the sins of others and as part of God’s will.

    Berean Wife

  9. Berean Wife, I asked you that question because in a previous comment you said “But like I said if anyone is depressed, miserable and lonely, no matter their marital status, it is because they are sinning”
    I guess I wrongfully concluded you thought all of our problems are because we sin.
    I started my first comment off with the words Says who?. Sorry If I sounded like I wanted to start an arguement. The truth is I found your sight through Terry’s sight(can’t remember where I found Terry’s)
    You both make me think and I look forward to reading more.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Val,

    I could see where that can be misunderstood. There are some very misguided people who would accuse anyone of sin that has trouble; i.e. cancer is due to sin type thinking. What I meant is that while bad things may happen to anyone, whether they are sinning or not, we are still responsible for our reactions and emotions.

    Philippians 4:11 … for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

    1 Timothy 6:6-8
    6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment,
    7 for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.
    8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.

    Contentment isn’t being miserable, depressed or lonely.

    The “Says who?” did sound a little argumentive, part of the failings of reading text verses talking. But then if I can’t handle some disagreement or challenges to my faith then I’ve got much bigger issues. I have found that I often benefit from the challenges the most. They make me think, pray and search the Scriptures. Hopefully, I can also challenge others to think, pray and search the Scriptures. So if the post made you think then it accomplished some of it. 🙂

    Berean Wife

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