Facebook and Divorce

Why does this not surprise me in the least?

Pastor Warns Staff to Give up Facebook (Note link removed)

Thou shalt not commit adultery. And thou also shalt not use Facebook.

That’s the edict from a New Jersey pastor who feels the two often go together.

The Rev. Cedric Miller said 20 couples among the 1,100 members of his Living Word Christian Fellowship Church have run into marital trouble over the last six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame over Facebook.

Because of the problems, he is ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions. He had previously asked married congregants to share their login information with their spouses and now plans to suggest that they give up Facebook altogether.

“I’ve been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half,” he said. “What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great.” …

This isn’t necessarily something I agree with.ย  However, I think it is worth discussing.ย  It might just turn out that many, many other pastors and counselors are seeing similar results from social media.ย  Anyway, funny how the harm Facebook is causing keeps popping up. Remember the previous post with John MacArthur’s warnings ?

Social Media and Digital Discernment โ€“ MacArthur

Might Facebook be hindering your marriage?

Are you more social with others than your spouse?

Are you in regular contact with old flames?



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14 thoughts on “Facebook and Divorce

  1. I am purposely NOT on facebook because I want to leave the past there…in the past.

    I have a good friend who said she got an account and within a day or two an old flame had looked her up. She deleted her account.

    I also know of a family that is broken now due to a social networking induced infidelity.

    I do think it can be very dangerous.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Ma,

    I don’t have old flames or even friends that should cause problems. My biggest issue would be the “friends” other friends. Technically you get wrapped up in them also whether you want to or not.

    Your friend was wise to delete the account instead of just trying handle just a friendship with an old flame. I’m sure many have thought that this won’t go any farther than a renewed friendship and found out too late that it has destroyed families. I feel sorry for the family that was broken over social media. Not that the person involved isn’t fully responsible for the sin but the ease of contact with others is the contributing factor. People would have questioned spending that amount of time on the telephone or in person with a person of the opposite sex, yet Facebooking or twittering isn’t questioned. ??

    Berean Wife

  2. I have in the past felt that Facebook was a great thing. I have reconnected with old elementary school friends, we connected with Mark’s great aunt who lives in Louisiana. However, lately, it has been the cause of lots of hurt feelings and meanness. Mark and I both have thought of deleting our accounts. We are not really at risk of having old flames heat back up (great thing about marrying your first love) but it is family that is causing our drama.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Kelli,

    Not having old flames to come back and haunt you is a good thing! Another good reason to not encourage the typical teen dating of today.

    Funny how people will say and do things using Facebook that they won’t do or say in person. Petty meanness seems to be a regular theme. Then the ultimate insult of “un-friending”!

    Family causing drama! I imagine we all have much more of that than we desire. We are getting to “family drama” time of the year with the holidays.

    Berean Wife

    Ma Reply:

    You ladies are so blessed to not have to worry about THAT aspect of FB…the past coming back to haunt you. I have to admit that is something I will always struggle with…the regrets and such. Please don’t ever forget to thank Him from sparing you from regrets.

    I know we all have our areas of struggle and I’m sure you guys have some that are just as hard for you, but I would love to do it over, (in my flesh I would love to do it over, I know HE has well ,you know ,Romans 8:28)

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Ma,

    I’m sure most every believer has many, many regrets about their life in the past. It may not old flames or schoolmates, but none of us have lived holy, upright lives. ๐Ÿ™ If we don’t everyday regret our sin and wish we could go back and make different decisions, can we truly have repented? But like you said the Lord knew what it would take to break us from our self-centered, self-righteousness. We wouldn’t be where we are today without some of our most painful experiences. But thankfully most of us know things could have been much, much worse except for the Grace of God.

    Your children will need to be thankful to you because I’m sure that the pain and regrets you’ve suffered will be areas where your children will be encouraged and guided much more so than you were. While we all know that they will choose to sin in their own way, hopefully they will gain from wise counsel. I sure wish someone had warned me of the things which I know now and didn’t have a clue about when younger. ๐Ÿ™

    Berean Wife

  3. Hi, old friend (not a Facebook one)
    Haven’t commented in awhile–I’m on the computer less–but I had to comment, after posting my “Quotes from ‘Social Media and Digital Discernment'” post today and then seeing that you had written on the very same topic. We’re hearing more and more of the dangers and now, consequences, of Facebook and texting. Just a few days ago I heard that young girls are being pressured by boys to text improper “photos” of themselves. The evil and temptation out there is more and more prevalent. Satan’s still a prowling lion seeking whom he may devour.
    I am glad that we have held our ground on no Facebook and no texting. It still comes to us as people assume we have a texting plan!
    Our family’s reading “The Pursuit of Holiness” and there’s a balance between God’s role in making us holy, and our responsibility to guard against temptations. May we be ever vigilant and guard our hearts.
    Blessings to you as you hold the banner high and encourage a holy and righteous standard.
    Wendy

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Wendy,

    Hello! Haven’t heard from you in quite a while. Although I admit communications does work both ways doesn’t it? ๐Ÿ™ I’ve been too busy lately to comment myself.

    Funny how we can post similar things without any clue the other is doing so.

    We’ve had the issue of inappropriate picture texting pop up often in the news locally. Those teens are actually at risk of having broken the law. Turns out they can be prosecuted for passing around the images under porn laws. Not that that is actually something most teens even think about. ๐Ÿ™

    Folks are in trouble if they send me a text. I’m not familiar enough with my cell phone to receive or respond to them!

    The Pursuit of Holiness is a great book. I’ve heard others recommend reading it yearly! Any of us who think we come anywhere near to Holiness have a rude awakening.

    Thanks for the encouragement. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Berean Wife

  4. BW,
    This is very interesting to read.

    My husband has a facebook account, and I log on a couple of times a month if I need to get an email address or something like that. I had one until about six months ago, when I deleted it. To be hoenst, I don’t miss it. I am able to tell only my husband and my best friends what is going on in my life, share my dreams and joys, and not have to feel chained to Facebook. Over the past month or so I have toyed with the idea of getting my account reinstated. As the pastor said, there are positive points to facebook (encouragement, event invites, contact with friends who live very far away), but the risks are too great.

    PIP

    Berean Wife Reply:

    PIP,

    Obviously you and your husband avoid some of the potential problem by sharing passwords and not having private from each other accounts. I read in our local news how special occasions aren’t so special anymore due to texting, tweeting and facebook. I’ll have to see if I can that article. I’m sure some can use social media for the positives and not be affected by the negatives, but it is still helpful to be very aware of them before they slip up on you.

    Berean Wife

  5. If a man has to choose between facebook and pastoring, should he even be a pastor?

    Just a thought.

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Dora,

    I know that many pastors use Facebook, Twitter, etc. for a multitude of reasons. Yet there are other pastors that don’t for equally valid reasons. However if there is a serious noticeable problem due to some tangible activity, I really see no problem advising staff to avoid it. That could cover many areas.

    One day Social media maybe be found to be as harmful as TV has been determined to be. However, there will still be some who get rid of it all, some who restrict it and some who think “Oh, it’s not hurting me”. But at least discussing the issue will help makes some aware.

    Berean Wife

  6. With Facebook, I think you just have to use common sense. “Friending” old friends is one thing; looking up old flames — why? That’s where if conviction doesn’t take over, common sense at least should (although it’s not so common anymore).
    I think this pastor has bigger things to worry about ….

    It takes quite a bit more than Facebook for someone to go down THAT road!

    Berean Wife Reply:

    Marie,

    Some of the issue has been old flames looking up others. But true common sense does apply. However, most people don’t intentionally plan to be tempted. If you were to ask the average person about their boundaries they would often have reasonable boundaries just in a moment of weakness or distraction they let down the boundary for just a moment. ๐Ÿ™ It’s the unintended consequences that occur from lapses in judgment.

    I removed the link you included because I don’t even want to read it, much less others or my children.

    I’m not saying that the pastor is right, actually he’s being legalistic. However, his point that he has had facebook factor into many couples troubles and their need for counseling was the real noteworthy point. I think we need to serious start considering the link when we have the opportunity to gather statistics. I think it is still worthy of discussing despite the messenger.

    Berean Wife

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