Money changes everything. If Mom earns more than Dad, who changes the diapers?
Last year, I made more money than my husband did. The difference wasn’t enormous — only 20% — but it was meaningful. At first, I felt pride — I had made a career of my writing life; I was helping to get my family back on our feet financially (after buying a house and car we’d been knocked around a bit) — but, over time, this morphed into a sense of thwarted power. When I cut my work days short for school pick up, or when I loped down the aisles of Target trying to find a pair of elusive “water shoes” or when I simply called the pediatrician, I would sometimes find myself thinking, Have I not bought my way out of this? How can I make a full-time salary and attend to its full-time pressures if so much of my day is stolen away by the responsibilities of parenting? …
When I read this article I was so sad to see the attitudes displayed by the women and in the discussion. I didn’t even bother reading the comments. See if you think these attitudes are a problem.
I found words such as these when the women were talking about their higher income.
- Thwarted power.
- Have I not bought my way out of this?
- … my day is stolen away by the responsibilities of parenting?
- why do I have to do all this?’
- the most hurtful thing I could say.”
- increasingly become more powerful.
- resent their husbands.
- start keeping track of (who does what)
- sense of entitlement
- feel guilt
- I’m the moneymaker
- be on my top game at work
- puts more pressure on me than on my husband
- the pull of traditional motherhood in conflict with their being the primary earner
- the re-submission of women
- dead end road
- giant pile of resentment
No wonder women are depressed! They are thinking wrong.
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ESV
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ESV
Just as in Genesis they are striving to lead their husbands.
Genesis 3:16 Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” ESV
An interesting thing to note is the ESV has a footnote that the word “for” could be translated as “against”. A continual striving against – sounds like the above article.
Just a footnote: It was sad to see the movie advertised on the site. I’m afraid it will have an opposite effect and actually encourage more of the same.
Here is a news video about the issue of money and marriage:
Money and Marriage (Notice the interviewed wife’s facial expression when her husband says “I am and I’m not…” when asked if he is OK with her earning more.)
More men get fiscal boost from marriage
Moms as sole breadwinners reach record high