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Unfulfilled Longings

Lies Women Believe about Unfulfilled Longings By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Our society has bought into the philosophy that there is (or ought to be) a remedy (preferably quick and easy) for every unfulfilled longing.

We are encouraged to identify our longings and do whatever is necessary to get those “needs” met. Therefore . . . if you’re hungry, eat. If you want something you can’t afford, charge it. If you crave romance, dress or act in a way that will get men to notice you. If you’re lonely, share your heart with that married man at work.  more

The latter summary is this:

The truth is, every created thing is guaranteed to disappoint us. Things can burn or break or be stolen or get lost. People can move or change or fail or die. It took the loss of some of my dearest loved ones some years ago to awaken me to the truth that I would always live in a state of disappointment if I was looking to people to satisfy me at the core of my being.

More of this is covered in the book Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.


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“Free to Be Modest” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I have had several fans of the “Bama Twins” get quite upset with my stating that they dress immodestly. The conclusion I’ve arrived at is:

Those who are defending immodesty are the “Lord” of their lives and they refuse to allow Jesus to be Lord of their lives, despite the lip service they give on Sunday mornings.

This is just a portion of the article; follow the link to read the rest.

Free to Be Modest by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

An immodestly dressed woman is giving away something that doesn’t belong to her. This principle of ownership means that, are you ready for this, that you and I are not free to dress in any way we please.

We’re accountable to God. He owns us and if you’re not a child of God that’s a principle that you’re not going to like, in fact, you won’t like any of these principles if you don’t belong to the Lord.

But if you are a child of God, you will find great comfort and security in the fact that you do belong to God, that your body is His. It means that you can trust that God will take good care of His property; also that you have a responsibility to take care of it.

The second is the principle of Lordship. Jesus is Lord over all. Ownership; then Lordship. Romans 14 [:9] tells us: “For this very reason Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”

You know what it means when we say that Jesus is Lord. It means that God has the right to regulate every area of our lives, including what we wear.

So I want to ask you, “Who runs your life, who’s your Lord?”

Most of us would say, “Jesus is my Lord.” But when it comes down to what you wear, who’s your Lord.

Are you governed by fashion, are you governed by the culture? Are you governed by your friends’ opinions or are you governed by Christ and His Word?

Who is your Lord? You see, you and I are not to be enslaved to anything or anyone other than Jesus–to have any Lord other than Him is to be a slave.

The women who have adopted the worlds’ philosophy of fashion and clothing are not free. You’ll never be truly free until you’re free to do what God wants you to do regardless of what anything or anyone else dictates to you.



Other Posts about Modesty

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Don’t Let Your Daughter Send an Invitation to Her Party – Revive Our Hearts

By Trent Griffith

If I remember right, the year was 1985. As a pimple-faced high-school senior, I attended a Christian youth convention along with 7,000 other bundles of exploding hormones (otherwise known as teenagers). The keynote speaker was a young and impressive black preacher who held us on the edge of our seats with his high energy, constant motion, and vivid word pictures. His assignment that day was to call us to a life of moral purity. His passion for the subject was evidenced by the fact that with each point, his voice would raise an octave. At the climax of his message, he turned his attention toward the girls among us. Unhindered by what seemed like gravel on his vocal chords and sweat beads on his forehead, his voice crescendoed with a plea I will never forget: “IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO COME TO YOUR PARTY, THEN DON’T SEND ME AN INVITATION!”

The phenomenon produced by that statement was amazing. Hundreds of young ladies began crossing their arms and tugging at their skirts to try to conceal something that was exposed by immodest clothing.

Proverbs 7 introduces us to what the King James Version calls a “strange woman.” The first characteristic identified in her is that she was “dressed as a harlot.” Whatever that means, it is certainly something no parent wants his daughter to be characterized by. So why are parents so reluctant to prevent their daughters from “dressing as harlots”?

1. Many parents are using the wrong standard of comparison. Paul warns us of this when he says, “When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding” (2 Corinthians 10:12b, ESV). Some parents honestly feel that their daughters are modest compared to what they see in the world. And compared to the immorality they could be involved in, the way they dress seems pretty innocuous. What they fail to understand is that immodest apparel now could be the door to immoral behavior down the road.

2. Moms may have seen their daughters wrongly in competition with other girls, and they may actually be encouraging their daughters not to be outdone by the external appearance of their peers. They may have fallen for the lie that external beauty is of supreme value. They have mistakenly communicated to their daughters, “Pursue all the attention you can get through the way you dress.” Proverbs contrasts the value that God places on internal beauty versus external beauty: “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” (11:22, NASB).

3. Dads are usually depending on their wives to regulate their daughters’ apparel. However, as sincere as a mom may be in helping her daughter dress appropriately, she simply cannot see through the eyes of a man. Dads understand in a way moms can’t how the slightest indiscretion in a woman’s dress can place impure thoughts in a man’s mind. Therefore, Dad must get involved.

4. Some dads have such a fragile relationship with their daughters that they are afraid to risk a confrontation that may widen the gap in their relationship. They don’t want to be accused of being the “fashion police” or be viewed as the “bad guy.” Many dads have neglected to invest “parental capital” they can spend when they need to speak the truth in love to their daughters. Girls whose dads who have not given them proper amounts of attention may try to seek the attention of other guys through the way they dress. Dads must recognize how this can set up a young lady for moral impurity.

5. Other dads tragically have been desensitized to the way their daughters dress because of a stronghold of pornography in their life. They simply fail to notice seductive clothing on their daughters because they have so often let their eyes feast on impure images.

Now, as the father of three pre-adolescent girls, I have been convicted by God of my responsibility to prevent the invitations from going out with my return address on them. So I’m starting early! I have established the Daddy-Gets-To-See-It-First policy. Every time one of my girls gets a new outfit, we have a little fashion show. You should see how they gleefully eat up the attention of their daddy as I tell them how elegant and beautiful they are, strolling down the runway. But my purpose is not to see if they are in fashion. That’s Mom’s expertise. I am looking to see if they are wearing anything in a way that would cause rounds of hormones to explode in a guy as he looks at my daughters. I ask myself, “Is it too low, too high, too tight, or otherwise too revealing? Would what they are wearing cause the eye of a man to be drawn to any part of their body he has no business dwelling on, thereby sending an invitation to a guy I don’t want at their party?” If an article of clothing doesn’t pass the test, it finds a new home.

The “Why, Daddy?” questions are answered with a simple, “It’s just not best,” usually followed by an, “Okay, Daddy.” Frankly, I have found little that would fall into the “not best” category on my one, four, and eight year olds, but I realize that if I try to implement my policy when they are eleven, fourteen, or eighteen, I will probably have difficulty coaxing them down the runway. I figure starting now will ensure they still value my input when “Okay, Daddy” is harder to get!

Recently I was asked to address the issue of modesty at a local Christian school board meeting. Several parents had been pressing the school to enforce its dress code. In the midst of the meeting, one man threw up his hands in frustration that the local churches had not addressed the issue in their youth groups. That same week I had a discussion with pastors who were appalled at how parents could allow their children to dress so immodestly when they came to church. It was a cycle of irresponsibility. The parents pointed their finger at the school; the school blamed the church; the church leadership pointed their finger (and rightly so) at the parents.

Let’s break the cycle! Otherwise, Dads, don’t be surprise when unwanted guys start showing up at your daughter’s party!

© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com [email protected]



Modesty Posts:

Maidens of Virtue – Stacy McDonald

The Style Quiz by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Paul Washer on Modesty in the Church

“Modesty Heart Check” by Carolyn Mahaney

Calvin Klein vs John Calvin’s Opinions on Clothing

Modesty Quote

Attire of a Harlot !?!

A Church In Need of Prayer – (Part 2) Specifically the comments

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The Style Quiz by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Take this test by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and see what you think.

1. According to the Bible, the primary purpose of clothing is to cover the body.

2. There’s nothing right or wrong about particular clothing styles. It’s all just a matter of taste and personal opinion.

3. The Bible tells us what styles of clothing Christians should wear.

4. Since the Bible says God looks on the heart, what we wear and how we appear aren’t that important; it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

5. Our clothes and appearance reveal a lot about our values, our character, and beliefs.

6. What I wear is not really anyone else’s concern. I should be free to wear the kind of clothes that I like and that I feel comfortable wearing.

7. Modesty means dressing in a way that is outdated, dumpy, and unattractive.

8. If a girl doesn’t wear trendy clothes that are at least a little revealing, guys won’t notice her.

9. Except for guys who are “over-sexed,” most men are not really affected by the way women dress. Most guys don’t even notice how women dress.

10. I can’t help it if guys struggle morally because of what I wear. It’s up to the guys to control their minds. I shouldn’t have to change the way I dress just because they can’t control themselves.

11. Parents shouldn’t impose their standards or beliefs about clothing on their kids. They should let them make their own decisions, even if they don’t approve of what their kids are wearing.

12. Christians are free to dress as they wish, because we’re not under the law, but under grace. It’s legalistic for parents or youth leaders to establish guidelines or standards for the way young people dress.

13. Christian women should never wear clothes that are revealing or that look sexy (i.e., clothes designed to arouse sexual desire or interest).

14. There are some public settings where it is okay for Christian women to wear clothing that exposes their private parts (e.g., thighs, breasts).

15. A woman can be covered from head to toe and still be dressed immodestly.

16. A woman can wear modest clothing and still be an immodest woman.

17. Most girls and women do not understand the meaning, the power, or the benefits of true modesty.

The Style Quiz Answer Key

1. True. God designed clothing to cover Adam and Eve’s nakedness, which became shameful after they sinned.

2. False. Choosing clothing styles is not just a matter of personal taste and opinion. Clothing choices should be based on biblical principles (e.g., modesty, moderation, and gender distinctiveness).

3. False. The Bible doesn’t spell out specifics of “right” and “wrong” clothing choices.

4. False. You can’t separate what’s on the inside from what’s on the outside. The external is a reflection of the heart.

5. True. A woman’s clothing and appearance are powerful non-verbal communicators of what she believes.

6. False. Everything we do—including the way we dress—affects others. As believers, we have an obligation to be sensitive to others and to avoid anything that could put temptation in the path of another.

7. False. We may not be able to wear all the most popular trends, but it is possible to be fashionable and modest.

8. False. It’s a matter of what kind of attention you want, and from whom. The right kind of guys will be drawn to women who are modest—inside and out!

9. False. Even godly men can be easily enticed to lust by the sight of an immodest woman.

10. False. We may not be completely responsible for how guys think, but we are responsible for modest appearance so we do not tempt them to sin.

11. False. Parents are responsible to provide guidelines, instruction, and, where necessary, restraint for children who are still in their home. (This does not mean that parents should not give their children freedom to express their own tastes, when those preference do not violate biblical principles.)

12. False. Every area of a believer’s life is to be lived under the authority and lordship of Jesus Christ. Grace gives us the desire and ability to please God. Parents and spiritual leaders are responsible to provide wise, biblical leadership for those under their authority.

13. False. It is absolutely appropriate for a woman to be sexy (in private settings) with her husband!

14. False. “Place” does not determine modesty. Unfortunately, when it comes to swimwear and formal wear, many Christian women do not even consider the issue of modesty, or they are content to settle for a standard that is “relatively” modest—i.e., modest compared to what “most people wear”—rather than asking, “Is this truly modest?”

15. True. A woman can be dressed from head to toe and still be immodest, if her attire is revealing, clingy, or too tight.

16. True. Modesty involves more than just our clothing. It includes our attitudes, the way we talk, and our behavior—how we walk, use our eyes, engage with others, etc.

17. True. Unfortunately, many Christian girls and women have never taken the time to discover God’s will concerning biblical modesty. They do not realize the great rewards and blessings modesty will bring to them and to others.

© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com. [email protected]

Modesty Posts:

Maidens of Virtue – Stacy McDonald

The Style Quiz by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Paul Washer on Modesty in the Church

“Modesty Heart Check” by Carolyn Mahaney

Calvin Klein vs John Calvin’s Opinions on Clothing

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41 Evidences of Pride By Nancy Leigh DeMoss


Revive Our Hearts

1. Do you look down on those who are less educated, less affluent, less refined, or less successful than yourself?

2. Do you think of yourself as more spiritual than your mate, others in your church?

3. Do you have a judgmental spirit toward those who don’t make the same lifestyle choices you do … dress standards, how you school your kids, entertainment standards, etc.?

4. Are you quick to find fault with others and to verbalize those thoughts to others? Do you have a sharp, critical tongue?

5. Do you frequently correct or criticize your mate, your pastor, or other people in positions of leadership (teachers, youth director, etc.)?

6. Do you give undue time, attention, and effort to your physical appearance—hair, make-up,clothing, weight, body shape, avoiding appearance of aging?

7. Are you proud of the schedule you keep, how disciplined you are, how much you are able to accomplish?

8. Are you driven to receive approval, praise, or acceptance from others?

9. Are you argumentative?

10. Do you generally think your way is the right way, the only way, or the best way?

11. Do you have a touchy, sensitive spirit? Easily offended? Get your feelings hurt easily?

12. Are you guilty of pretense? Trying to leave a better impression of yourself than is really true? (Would the people at church be shocked if they knew what you were like at home?)

13. Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?

14. Do you have a hard time confessing your sin to God or others? (not just in generalities but specifics)

15. Do you have a hard time sharing your real spiritual needs/struggles with others?

16. Do you have a hard time praying aloud with others?

17. Are you excessively shy?

18. Do you have a hard time reaching out and being friendly to people you don’t know at church?

19. Do you resent being asked or expected to serve your family, your parents, or others?

20. Do you become defensive when you are criticized or corrected?

21. Are you a perfectionist? Do you get irked or impatient with people who aren’t?

22. Do you tend to be controlling—of your mate, your children, friends, those in your workplace?

23. Do you frequently interrupt people when they are speaking

24. Does your husband feel intimidated by your “spirituality”?

25. Does your husband feel like he can never measure up to your expectations of what it means to be a good husband, spiritual leader, etc.?

26. Do you often complain—about the weather, your health, your circumstances, your job, your church?

27. Do you talk about yourself too much?

28. Are you more concerned about your problems, needs, burdens than about others’ concerns?

29. Do you worry about what others think of you? Too concerned about your reputation or your family’s reputation?

30. Do you neglect to express gratitude for “little things”? To God? To others?

31. Do you neglect prayer and intake of the Word?

32. Do you get hurt if your accomplishments/or acts of service are not recognized or rewarded?

33. Do you get hurt if your feelings or opinions are not considered when your mate or your boss is making a decision or if you are not informed when a change or a decision is made?

34. Do you react to rules? Do you have a hard time being told what to do?

35. Are you self-conscious because of your lack of education or natural beauty, or your socioeconomic status?

36. Do you avoid participating in certain events, for fear of being embarrassed or looking foolish?

37. Do you avoid being around certain people because you feel inferior compared to them/don’t feel you measure up?

38. Are you uncomfortable inviting people to your home because you don’t think it’s nice enough or you can’t afford to do lavish entertaining?

39. Is it hard for you to let others know when you need help (practical or spiritual)?

40. When is the last time you said these words to a family member, friend, or co-worker: “I was wrong; would you please forgive me?” (If it’s been more than a month, mark it down!)

41. Are you sitting here thinking how many of these questions apply to someone you know? feeling pretty good that none of these things really apply to you?

© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com
[email protected]

Thanks, RW.

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