Tag Archive | Humor

Courtship is Like Potty Training …

First the disclaimers …

No, I don’t have anyone courting anyone.

No, I don’t have anyone interested in courting anyone.

No, I’m not trying to push my kids into courting.

No, I don’t have any experience with courting.

So yes this is all in theory.

Now hopefully that will limit the rumors. 😉

Had to get that out of the way for my kids sake.

 

Anyway back to the topic.  Spring has sprung around here and with it came some weddings and wedding showers plus a multitude of other things.  And kittens …  (Anyone want kittens?)  Thus we have had lots of opportunity to discuss the matter and watch how others have proceeded.  Some have been the typical public school and dating process while others have been the homeschooling and courting method.  Guess what? They are equally just as married when everything is said and done.  It is the process that is the interesting part and this has been part of our discussions.

 

Courting Is Like Potty Training

1)      Everyone has an opinion on how it should be done and many are eager to share their opinion.

2)      Sometimes everyone is ready except those who should be.

3)      May involve tears.

4)      May take lots of time or be rather quick.

5)      Many things sound great in theory but do not actually work in practice.

6)      There is no magic age.

7)      Patience is a virtue.

8)      Watch for cues of interest.

9)      Requires physical (fiscal) and emotional readiness.

10)   Although the parent maybe ready, the child may not be ready or maybe the child is ready and not the parent.  Sometimes everyone else but the parent and child are ready.

11)   May be messy.

12)   Pressure from others “Isn’t it about time … ?

13)   You can have read all the books but that doesn’t necessarily help in your particular case.

14)   Sometimes observing others makes things easier.

15)   In the end you often look back and think “Why was that a big deal, it wasn’t that bad?

 

But like I said everything is in theory until you’ve put it into practice. 😉


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When Are You Going To Finish?

The other night after church while discussing an up coming meeting about our church’s Titus 2 ministry, the “baby” asked “When are y’all going to finish?”

What?

Then we figured it out. We ladies have, according to him, been studying Titus 2 for close to a year. He wanted to know when we would finish and move to another passage in the Bible!


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Confessions of a “Gas Guzzler”

I’m a “gas guzzler” and proud of it.

There that feels much better now.

I’m also not “enlightened”.

Biggest Gas Guzzlers

Typically the bigger the autos and the higher their performance, the more gas they’re going to need. That’s not considered a good thing in these enlightened times, on a planet with a finite supply of fossil fuels.  {Emphasis added.}

See I drive a Chevy Express 12 Passenger Van, along with a lot of other folks I know.  My average gas mileage is 15 miles per gallon which can be painful at times, especially when gas prices go up.  However, our family of seven doesn’t fit in a Toyota Prius.

But the supposedly “enlightened” are not too smart.  They seemed to have hopped on the “green” bandwagon without really thinking the issue through.

So for the fun of it here goes ….

Here are some facts:

I drive seven people at a rate of 15 miles per gallon.

Many, many cars I pass when driving only have one person in them.

After searching all over the net I found the average gas mileage of the average auto in the USA is 20 miles per gallon.

So for that rate of one person driving, the average auto gets 20 miles per gallon per person per auto.   Or to makeup a new unit of measure 20 people miles per gallon. ( 1 person times 20 miles per gallon.)

I, on the other hand, get 15 miles per gallon per auto per 7 people.

That comes out to an equivalent comparison of 105 people miles per gallon.  (7 people times 15 miles per gallon.)

But add to that I can transport up to 12 people which I often do because it is more fun for families to travel together and of course cheaper.  So that can translate to up to 180 people miles per gallon.  (12 times 15 miles per gallon.)

Granted some people do transport more than just one person.  But the average American family of two children and two adults in the average car translates into just 80 people miles per gallon.  (4 times 20 miles per gallon.)   But really in the average American family how many ride together regularly?  Both parents work and drive separate cars and once the teen is old enough they drive separate also.  The children are driven extra miles to school or daycare so the parent can drive to work.  Divorce throws an extra kink in the matter also because so many families are affected.

One Chevy express can cut down on the traffic and the cost of road repairs.  One van verses up to 7 – 12 different cars.  One van causing wear on the road verses 7 to 12 cars.

Throw in the pollution reduction of running one engine verses seven engines.

Just think what a 15 passenger Express can do with a family of fifteen!  (225 people miles per gallon.)

So here is the real “green” solution.

Everyone needs a large family.  Large families are more efficient than small families.  That is just a fact accept it. 🙂

Everyone needs a large van to transport that large family.  Until you fill yours up transport another family also.

Everyone needs to be family integrated and attend a family integrated church that way everyone can drive together and not have so many separate activities.

Everyone can homeschool that way they can stay home most of the time.  No transporting children to school and daycare.  I try to have one errand day which is used for music and shopping, compare that to transporting children to school and back five days a week.

Limit outside activities for the children.  Children don’t need an activity every day of the week.  We try to stick to one extra curricular activity.

Divorce is very anti “green” so no divorce.  No explanation should be necessary.

Wives working affects the “green” line so SAHM are much more “green.”

Now if they would just make Chevy Expresses Green instead of the standard white I could truly be “green”. 🙂

Update:  Can you believe I forgot to add in that I can haul five people and two llamas! See Here and Here.  Plus we regularly haul chickens, goats, dogs, cats and whatever is the next farm adventure. 🙂  All without a trailer.

Hopefully no feelings were hurt in the production of this post.

Brought to you by the soapbox in the “green” white Express.

 


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Just For Fun

I can’t imagine doing something like this.  I have enough trouble coming up with meals each day much less a costume. 🙂

Dad plays best prank ever on teenage son

Rain Price will never forget the first day of his sophomore year of high school. On the bus, packed with classmates from his suburban Utah school, Rain peered out the window, mortified.

“The school bus for the first time ever came down our street this year,” explains Rain’s dad, Dale, to Utah’s Daily Herald. “This was [my son’s] first year on the bus. My wife came running in the room and suggested we go wave at him to embarrass him.”

And so began Dale’s hazing ritual that continued every day for the rest of his son’s school year. The first day may have been the most shocking for Rain, but in the days to follow, the surprises kept coming.

….

Wave At The Bus – Full year of pictures.

 

And my kids think I embarrass them?

 


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You a Quitter or Godly?

Last night we were playing a game of horseshoes.  You know that simple little game, easily played by all ages.  However, for some reason none of us could score.  It was ridiculous how long it took for the first person to get even get the first point.  The enthusiasm for the game quickly dwindled.  🙁  I have always tried to teach the children to finish what they start, especially in relation to games.  Nothing more frustrating than to be in the middle of a game and have the one losing decide to quit because they are bored or found some other reason to back out.

So after a while of playing my husband declared one more round would be the end for him.  He finished his round and then went to sit on the porch stairs to watch the rest of the game.  The baby (6 year old) looked at his dad and said:

I’m not a quitter; I’m going to be a godly man!”

What !?!

Where did he get that idea?

But we couldn’t help it, we laughed and laughed.  Dad will be getting teased for quite some time as to whether he is a quitter or a godly man.

Thankfully the baby isn’t a separatist.  He sat beside his dad while waiting for his turn and said “I can still sit beside you.”

Some of us worked hard at being “godly” we continued on until it was so dark we couldn’t even see where the horseshoes landed.  No one could even make it to five points which was the lowered ending goal.  🙁   Thankfully, a baby goat started screaming and we had to end the game to find out what was wrong.  Nothing.  But it served as a good excuse to end the game and not be “ungodly“.


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Great Minds Think Alike

Today during our fellowship meal at church we had something occur that happens surprisingly often.  It is amazing how many times we ladies are bringing in our lunch in the morning and someone else has brought the same item.  Today was macaroni and cheese day!  Three families prepared and brought macaroni and cheese for lunch today.  Considering how many children as we have, they went over very well.  There is just something about children and macaroni and cheese.

This afternoon my husband said it reminded him of an old link I had shared on the website over two years ago.  At least we aren’t quite this bad, yet. 🙂  But great minds think alike.  We had plenty of variety and plenty of food that was devoured quickly by children in a rush to get outside and play.   Maybe it had something to do with our almost 70 degree temperature today!

Churchgoers Survive Potluck Nightmare

Tragedy struck Langley Baptist Church on Sunday afternoon when every covered dish at the church’s monthly potluck was a green bean casserole. Stunned onlookers watched in horror as family after family arrived with the same popular side dish in tow. By the time grace was said over the meal, there were over twenty-five green bean casseroles lining the buffet table with no meat dish in sight.

Continue reading



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Never Know What They Will Say

One of the best things about children is you just never know what they will say.  Now granted every once in a while that can be quite embarrassing when in public.  But this week we had a few humorous incidences.

  • The five year old was singing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”  when all of a sudden I heard what he was saying.  The last sentence was supposed to be “life is but a dream” but instead it was “Life is down a drain.” ??


  • My fifth grader answered some questions in her school work and I was checking her work.  She is studying the Revolutionary War.  Her problem was to:

List the names of three battles listed in this section in the order they occurred.

She listed Ticonderoga and Bunker Hill, but then she also listed Continental Congress. Congress is a battle? I almost gave it to her since she is more accurate than she realizes.


  • Then while shopping at Wal-mart this week I was trying to decipher the children’s handwriting for the grocery list. I have tried to get them to always write down an item when it is almost gone or when they open the last one. Two items though confused me at first.

      Spicy Roach

      Month Wash

  • Turns out it was supposed to be Spicy Ranch Salad Dressing and Mouth Wash. 🙂  Obviously spelling isn’t a strong point around here!  Wonder why?



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Strangers

When I was growing up often we children were left on our own since my parents were divorced and my mother worked.  I couldn’t tell you how many times we were told to not talk to strangers, let strangers in, go off with strangers, etc.   Now that I’m older and have children myself, I personally don’t think teaching children to not talk to strangers is wise.  Why?  Because how can we ever love others and share the gospel if we are hindered by the “Don’t talk to strangers” warning.  That of course doesn’t mean we should give strangers lots of personal information or be unwise, but “Don’t talk to strangers” has no qualifiers.  It is hard to overcome that as adults.  We tend to still avoid strangers.  Not a good idea when we are told to go out and make disciples.  (Matthew 28:19-20)

Anyway, because I do have some older teen children I’m able to run to Wal-mart or go get gas without hauling everyone with me each time like we did when they were young.  One thing I have told the children and have stressed to the younger children is not to let strangers in the house without a parent here.  That seemed to be a reasonable request.

Well, when the baby was four he all of a sudden got some bright idea.  When I arrived back home after a short trip I was informed by him that he let the “stranger” in!  He said it with much stress on the word “stranger“.  The older children thought it was so funny.  Turns out that right after I left he ran hollering to his room “I let the stranger in!” and hid under his bed.  He has such a sense of humor, but the funnier part is he really didn’t understand what a “stranger” was!  He just knew it must be bad if moma said to not let it in.

Now at five he understands what a “stranger” is, at least a little better, but just the other day he informed me upon my return that he let the stranger in.



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A Topsy Turvy Day

My husband was out of town the other night and so things were a little different around here.

My youngest daughter cooked supper.  We had corn muffins and baked beans for supper.  Not quite the typical meal but good none the less and done totally by herself!  Mom stayed out of the kitchen.

Then when we sat down to eat the baby (five) piped up that it was his turn to pray.  He started off with the typical child prayer of “God is Great”  but then flourished it some.

God is great and God is good.

Let us thank him for our food.

But then he added “Keep daddy safe”, etc.  Which was a very sweet prayer since typically daddy prays over supper.  But we didn’t know what he had in store for us later. 🙂

We finished eating and all of a sudden up he hops to go sit in his dad’s seat.  Then he starts to ask us questions about the Bible.  After asking a few questions he goes to a nearby shelf and gets Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology!  He is going to teach us through that.  Around a year ago my husband had used  Systematic Theology as part of evening devotions.  Our joke is that it is Gruesome Grudem, not for any reason other than the size of the book, 1291 pages.  Actually the book is very easy to understand considering the depth of the topic.  So needless to say the older kids started moaning and rolling their eyes thinking they would have to sit there through all those pages.

But the baby can’t read yet so we had some interesting questions.

How many chapters does Genesis have?

What chapter is the earth created?

What chapter was Adam and Eve created?

How many chapters have the death of Jesus?

How many chapters in Exodus?

How many books in the Bible?

Can you tell he was a little fixated on chapters? 

But do you know those answers?

Pretty good for leading family devotions, don’t cha think?



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