Tag Archive | Parenting

Children Are a Blessing

Children are a blessing, the Lord says so repeatedly.  If they aren’t a blessing to you than you are sinning and should repent.  Either you have spiritual issues such as selfishness and laziness or you have been disobedient and not trained your children.

What if you don’t like your children?

Do You Like Your Children?

As the new school year approaches, I’ve heard more and more “rejoicing” by mothers declaring “just X number of days and the kids will be out of the house”. And while I’m sure there are many, many moms who lament this ending of precious time with their children, there seems to be a disturbing number who do not. I have no doubt these moms LOVE their children; I just don’t think they enjoy them.

Add to that the lack of “generational vision” of raising up godly children, a mammoth-sized feminism force telling them they should pursue their own interests no matter what, no encouragement from older women to be keepers at home, and no cultivated taste for homemaking, and it’s no wonder so many women have fled to the corporate world!

Well, we ladies have a lot of work to do fulfilling our duty as the “older women”….but I find it downright heartbreaking that we have cultivated a whole generation of parents who don’t even enjoy their own children, to the degree they are glad for them to spend a large portion of the day somewhere else.  ….


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What Do You Think The Kids Say?

Read on a blog post:

I’m done with summer.

The school can have my kids back.

School starts for us on September 6th. I love having the kids home with me, I really do. But we’ve done summer. We’ve had the pool parties, the sleep overs, the camping trips, the roadtrips, and the all-day-tv veg days.

What do you think the kids would say about mom?

Sad, sad. 🙁

When did parenting become entertaining the children until “real” life starts back?

 


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An Unproductive Homeschool Day ?

We homeschool pretty much year round.  Our homeschooling is a part of our life.  School doesn’t end and then life begins, we live life and school happens as a part of the process.  However, as the mom there will be times where I will say “Monday we are going to get more serious about the schoolwork.”  Well, yesterday that was the intention.  Everyone was going to do their school more by the schedule and we were going to get lots accomplished.  Well, anyone who has homeschooled long enough knows how well that happened.  Things began accumulating before the kids were even up and add in that mom had a headache and didn’t feel well.

I won’t bore you with the details but time kept clicking away as things were dealt with as they came up.  But at 3:00 I looked at the clock and was shocked.  Three o’clock !!!!  And here we had to leave at 5:15 for a meeting!  Where did the day go?  As “drill Sergeant” moma starts to get this homeschool thing going, I actually notice what is going on in the home.

Oldest daughter is outside weeding the goldfish pond flower beds even as hot and humid as it was.

Middle son was in the garage working on his chicken tractor for his newest chicks he has hatched in the incubator.

Youngest daughter was playing her violin, without being told!

Baby Boy was sitting in his room reading a book.

Mom was in the middle of washing sheets.

So what if the Botany book didn’t get read, one daughter knows the weeds from the plants better than her old moma does.

So what if the fractions didn’t get done, one son is using them with the tape measure outside.

So what if the language arts didn’t get done, one daughter is actually practicing on her own without being told.  Something that never happened a couple of years ago enough so that I’ve thought about ending lessons for those who didn’t love it.

So what if the phonics worksheet didn’t get done, baby boy is reading and doing it because he enjoys it.

Maybe it was more productive than I thought. 🙂

 


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Family Integrated Church

What is a Family Integrated Church? Many people have no clue since very few have experienced them.

Is Challies’ definition correct?

These leaders claim that the Bible clearly teaches that we must not age segregate. Ever.

… the claims of FIC extend far beyond Sunday school. The film even suggests (not too subtly) that allowing your children to participate in any kind of program led by someone other than the father is a way in which you turn their hearts away from the father and toward someone else.

… making family integration the pivotal and central doctrine for the church.

… It’s a destructive message

Does this describe a FIC?

By no means.

Family Integrated Churches come in all types, many denominations and there are sound Biblical ones and there are ones who peddle a false gospel.

The only accurate definition for a FIC is that worship and Bible study is characterized by all ages being together.

But does that mean they can never have separate activities?

Of course, not. If that was the case then they would be guilty of legalism. There is no real time frame that fits every FIC. Some always meet together; some usually meet together and a few just offer the option of meeting together.

Just as being a Family Integrated Family is a matter of the heart being a Family Integrated Church is a matter of the heart. It isn’t a set of dos and don’ts that bind us. It is actually the freedom to worship the Lord with your family.

FIC typically means that when the church is gathered together, the whole body of the church is gathered. No one portion of the church is shunted off to separate classes or separate worship services. But if there is a need there might still be individual classes or studies. For example: There might be a men’s meeting or a ladies meeting where the topic is not deemed suitable for young children. But that would be rare, can’t think of any we’ve had. Typically if we are having a special women’s meeting the women and all the girls over 12 are welcome. Twelve is just a general age range of transitioning the children to the adults. The younger children and the boys would then be with their Fathers. Then the same for the Men and older boys as needed. The idea though is that the children are still with a parent and under their authority.

The film even suggests (not too subtly) that allowing your children to participate in any kind of program led by someone other than the father is a way in which you turn their hearts away from the father and toward someone else.

Really now, if you take that to the logical conclusion then the mothers wouldn’t be allowed to lead their children in school or home. Grandfather wouldn’t be allowed to teach the boys to fish. Grandmother couldn’t teach the girls to quilt. However, when youth are spending more time with a youth leader than with their own father, you will risk some serious problems. This similar thing happens often in divorce situations. Maybe the father has the children one weekend a month. Often he takes the kids to the movies, out to eat, to the park, maybe buys them something they want; yet he rarely deals with the tough issues; the discipline, the school work, chores. Mom is the one left with the tough decisions and she can’t cater to the children each weekend. See how Dad could easily become the favorite while mom is complained about. Now apply that to youth groups. The youth leader takes the kids places, feeds them their favorite food, and supplies opportunities for friends to be together while requiring nothing in return.

I have no vested interest in converting others to a family integrated model of church. It is not a salvation issue although essentially it can be related to one’s theology. However, it is important to share with others so that they can study the issue themselves. If a person chooses then to reject it, that is between them and the Lord. But most have not even considered the issue or worse rejected it based on flawed information.

There is a wide range of ecclesiology represented in FIC. There is no one view of church that can be pegged on every FIC. Generally though all do subscribe to the father’s being the spiritual leader but even in that, how it is lived out is totally different in each church and even in families of the same church.

There are several “loud and belligerent” women who have left some seemingly extreme FIC and attack any semblance of the idea everywhere. They are busybodies (1 Timothy 5:13) running to and fro leaving comments and writing diatribes against FIC. Challies had a few of those folks comment on his post. Some have rejected Christianity and many have divorced because they rejected an extreme FIC, patriarchy, quiverful, dominionistic “cult” with false teaching for lack of a better word. The same extremes of false teaching happens in segregated churches also just often not as “loudly”. However, they may not have even been in such flawed churches after all. You never know. When someone rejects the faith they often exaggerate problems and issues to validate their rejection.

There will always be extremes to watch out for. As long as a person continues to go back to the Scripture comparing everything to that one plumb line we may stray at times but we will always come back to the center at some point. Sometimes it takes the extreme to see where just a little skew in the direction at one point can lead us way off track in the future. Think the airplane flying .5 degrees off course and how far off course they will eventually be.

Just as all age-segregated churches would not want to be characterized by Peanut Butter Evangelism non age-segregated churches should not be characterized by the worst of FIC. FIC does not necessarily include what is characterized by the terms Patriarchy or Quiverful. There are some churches that combine all three but the majority do not at least to the extreme level. Yet the average person would lump my church in that mix. Because we do have family integration, fathers are the head of the home, and a majority allow God to direct their child bearing.

While many FIC homeschool, homeschooling and FIC do not have to go together. Our church has homeschool children and public schooled children. The even more surprising fact to some is that our FIC church has young single adults, senior adults, and young marrieds without children. Many people think that FIC’s tend to only have large homeschooling families.

We have older couples, single youth, married childless couples, working wives, homeschool children, public school children, large families, small families, divorced families and we welcome any combination of the above. Yet no matter what, fathers will be encouraged to lead and disciple their families. We do not have separate classes. We meet together for Bible study prior to the worship service. Yet we have two elders and one of them does not homeschool and his wife works fulltime outside the home. Most of our church activities are family oriented. We have our cookouts together. The elders playing football right along with the youth and children. The whole family goes to Six Flags together as a church group. Birthday parties are family celebrations. The children are studying the formation of the English Bible right along with the adults. They ask good questions and are filling out the study sheets. They aren’t learning Noah took two animals into the ark for the 100th time.

I know many other churches that are FIC. Some are churches that meet at homes. Others are churches which strive for a more Acts type model with everyone sharing together and no actual preacher preaching a sermon. One church I know has an integrated SS and worship time yet offers children’s catechism classes.

… making family integration the pivotal and central doctrine for the church.

I’m sure there are churches that have made family integration the main focus; however, I haven’t seen any. Family integration is the means to an end. It is not the end itself. Our goal as a church should be to worship the Lord in a manner He desires, to teach the believers and to go and make disciples of all nations.

I’ve been in both age segregated and FIC types of churches, even grew up in youth groups. Neither model is perfect nor will they ever be perfect here on earth. Nothing we do will guarantee that our children are among the elect in the last days. I am confident in God’s Sovereignty and that He will do what is best for each of us. However, even so, I will work diligently to be obedient and do the absolute best I can to have my children taught God’s Word in a sound Biblical manner. That for me means homeschooling, being home with my children, supervising outside influences (media, internet, friends, and teachers), a family integrated church and a sound Biblical church. FIC in a sound Biblical Church is the best church model I know for my children to hear God’s Word outside the home and if it is ever not sound we are there to hear it and to discuss the matter with our children.

 


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Family Integrated

What is family integrated?

First of all I’ll start off by explaining family integrated families. Did you realize some families are family integrated and some aren’t?

A family integrated family is one who works and plays together as a cohesive unit. A non-integrated family is a family that consists of a multitude of individuals. We homeschool and many would say that if you homeschool than naturally your family is family integrated. But that isn’t so. I have known many public schooling families that are more integrated than some homeschool families.

A family integrated family as a general rule lives life together. Meals are eaten together. When one part of the family has something special, say a music concert or a sports event, then the whole family strives to be there. Even if the actual event isn’t interesting to everyone they attend for the benefit of each other. Family integrated families tend to fellowship together with other families. So a birthday party for one child would include friends and family of all ages. Not a five year old party for five year olds. While there will be some individual activities that only one child participates in as a general rule those are limited. No Johnny going to baseball, Billy at piano and Susie at ballet all while mom and dad struggle to coordinate schedules of who’s picking up whom when.

While homeschooling does make being family integrated much easier that isn’t always the case. Some of the most fractured and segregated families I know are homeschooling. Little ones are left with grandma regularly while others participate in their activities, momma in her Bible studies and crafts while Dad is off hunting or fishing. Rarely does the whole family sit down to a meal together. Johnny, Billy and Susie are here there and yonder with co-ops and activities, often having to ride with others due to conflicting schedules.

Is there any set amount of time that a family must spend together to be family integrated? Must they spend all their time together? No. It isn’t necessarily a matter of time. It is a heart issue. It is the difference between being a grouping of individuals or a family unit.

How do you know which your family is?

Does it seem odd to you when one child is not with you? Like you’ve forgotten something?

Is it rare for the family to be together in the car, at the table or even on trips?

Do your children feel like they need a friend with them in order to have fun?

Do your children have friends whom you really don’t know?

Are you and your spouse tagging off constantly on who’s picking up whom?

Do you find yourself correcting attitudes and beliefs in your children and wondering where they got that?

Do you at times wonder where your child is? Is it Tuesday music or Tuesday Soccer?

Does scheduling issues cause you to allow children to go off with folks you really don’t know rather than have them miss activities?

There are people who would say that we need to develop the individual. Too much family would hinder a child’s ability to be the person they could be. Yet what that does is encourage a selfish self-centeredness. Our focus is to never be on ourselves but on the Lord. So why start out by teaching our children to focus on themselves and their desires?

So what is a family integrated family?

It is a family who strives to live together, learn together, serve the Lord together, minister together, share together, worship together, grow together and in the end spend eternity together.

Are you Family Integrated?

Next we’ll look at a Family Integrated Church.

 


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I Feel Sorry for These Children

No ‘him’ or ‘her’; preschool fights gender bias

STOCKHOLM – At the “Egalia” preschool, staff avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys.

From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes.

“Society expects girls to be girlie, nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing,” says Jenny Johnsson, a 31-year-old teacher. “Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be.”

The taxpayer-funded preschool which opened last year in the liberal Sodermalm district of Stockholm for kids aged 1 to 6 is among the most radical examples of Sweden’s efforts to engineer equality between the sexes from childhood onward. …

 

I have both boys and girls and I’m sorry they are so different from each other. Even as babies. The younger ones have had free access to both “boy” toys and “girl” toys but that has not changed their basic personalities. Even my tomboyish girl still has the personality of a girl and enjoys dressing up and being a lady, and helping to cook as long as she can still play baseball with the boys.

I dread what happens to these confused children as they mature. 🙁

 


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What Did You Expect?

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys! We shouldn’t be surprised when our kids misbehave, they got it from their story book …

HT: Mrs. Sue at the O.F. Farm


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Already Gone – Video Download

Available for free for one week only!

Already Gone – Video Download

by Ken Ham

The trends are frightening, but this DVD shows how to win back our families, our churches, and our world!

The next generation is already calling it quits on traditional church. Next Sunday, look around, two thirds of the young people in your church are already disengaged from the message they are hearing. And it’s not just happening on the nominal fringe; it’s happening in the most solid “Bible-believing” churches.

In this important DVD, Ken Ham discusses the profound cultural changes taking place in our Western world, as God’s Word is rejected and man’s fallible ideas are welcomed. Ken relates some of the shocking statistics presented in the book Already Gone that reveal the reasons why young people are leaving church and abandoning the faith of their parents.

The church is failing to give children real answers to their questions. We are losing our kids long before college. But this is far from a hopeless situation. Ken explains how we can fight back for our children, and what we can do to ground our children in the faith and prepare them for the challenges of the secular world.

HT DEFCON


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The 21 Rules of This House

This is very old. I had this list back when my oldest was just starting school. We’ve used it off and on for the last 15 plus years.  The book comes with a coloring page for each rule and a laminated sheet of the rules.  The book is no longer published but can be bought used.

 

The 21 Rules of This House

By Gregg Harris

 

  • We obey God.
  • We love, honor, and pray for one another.
  • We tell the truth.
  • We consider another’s interest ahead of our own.
  • We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
  • We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
  • When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
  • When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
  • When someone is sad, we comfort him.
  • When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
  • When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
  • We take good care of everything that God has given us.
  • When we have something nice to share, we share it.
  • We do not create unnecessary work for others.
  • When we open something, we close it.
  • When we take something out, we put it away.
  • When we turn something on, we turn it off.
  • When we make a mess, we clean it up.
  • When we do not know what to do, we ask.
  • When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
  • When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept discipline and instruction of the Lord.

 

Instructions: Post the list on your refrigerator door or other prominent location in your home. When misbehavior occurs, draw attention to which House Rule has been violated and repeat the rule a few times and explain what it means. Once the meaning becomes clear, discipline your child for any expressions of willful defiance. Over time, the rules will be internalized by each child as a general statement of the behavioral boundaries. Remember that these rules follow you and your child wherever they go. Discipline should only be administered in private, in love for the child, never in anger or in any way that would ever do harm. The challenge is to be consistent so that such discipline is eventually no longer needed.

 


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So Sad

I can’t express how sad this news article makes me. 🙁  I can guarantee that her children are hurt by her actions and her words; they just may not have told her so, yet.

The opposite of a ‘Tiger Mother’: leaving your children behind

“I had this idea that motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing,” she explained on the Today Show, where she was talking about her new memoir, “Hiroshima in the Morning.” “I was afraid of being swallowed up by that.”

Ten years ago, when her sons were 5 and 3, Rizzuto received a fellowship to spend six months in Japan, researching a book about the survivors of Hiroshima. Four months in, when her children came to visit, she had an epiphany: She didn’t want to be a full-time mother anymore. When she returned to New York, she ended her 20-year marriage and chose not to be her kids’ custodial parent.


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