After my last post My Husband Wants Me to Work – Is the Wife Responsible? , I just want to be clear that I wasn’t judging any of the things listed as being sinful and wrong. Just that some of these can be excessive and lead to sin.
Most of these activities are not sinful but when they are excesses that affect the family’s finances they can be serious problems.
What I mean is that there are wives and mothers who blame their husband for their not being able to stay home with the children. The husband expects the wife to work but when it is seriously considered the truth is that the wife’s excesses are damaging the family finances. Then it would be sinful and wrong for the wife to blame the husband and make excuses that “My husband wants me to work.” When in fact the wife is over spending and causing this problem.
It is not my intention to judge anyone for the house that they live in or the car they drive. That was not the point. The point is that if your spending on extras and excesses is causing finances to be difficult or making you have to work, then you maybe sinning. Or if your discontent is affecting your husband, then maybe you should reevaluate it.
There is enough Biblical evidence to show that mothers should be home and available to raise their children unto the Lord. There is also evidence that wives should not be placing bosses and other men over themselves instead of their husbands.
Will I say 100%, absolutely, every single time that wives and mother are to never work outside the house? No. That will be something that has to be directed by the Lord and His Word. However, many women have never even given the matter serious consideration. But I will say that the Bible is clear that wives and mothers should be typically be home and available to their families.
For example, I have no qualms telling others they should wear clothing and modest clothing at that. Especially in public! However, will I say that 100%, absolutely every single time a Christian believer should wear modest clothing in public. Nope. Because then if I did I would reveal how little I really know about the Bible.
See even Isaiah was told by the Lord to walk naked for three years in public as a sign to others.
2 at that time the Lord spoke by Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, “Go, and loose the sackcloth from your waist and take off your sandals from your feet,” and he did so, walking naked and barefoot.
3 Then the Lord said, “As my servant Isaiah has walked naked and barefoot for three years as a sign and a portent against Egypt and Cush,
4 so shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptian captives and the Cushite exiles, both the young and the old, naked and barefoot, with buttocks uncovered, the nakedness of Egypt. ESV
Yet even so, I have no qualms telling another that they should wear clothes and dress modestly. The Lord is welcome to instruct them otherwise and they should be obedient. Just make sure you are an “Isaiah” being spoken to by the Lord.
Just the same, I have no trouble telling a mother that they should stay home with their children and raise them in the nourishment and admonition of the Lord. Might there be exceptions, there might, but what woman will ever on her deathbed regret not having worked more? I think the evidence is clear both Biblically and in society that children need the continual guidance and teaching of a mother available at all times not just 5PM – 9PM.
Does it matter if you live in a shack, a small house, or a ten-bedroom mansion? It depends. It does not depend on the money spent for them though. What does matter is whether that money spent on the house was wisely invested or foolishly over spent in excess. Where a ten bedroom house might be a wise investment for the Duggars, it might be unwise for a family of five who must take out huge loans to finance it. However, it the family of five saved for years and spent no more than they could afford but still bought the house then so be it. Maybe they desire to house missionaries on furlough, foster children, or run a home business, etc. The key is the heart and staying within the finances the Lord has provided.
Do I care what a person wears or how much they spent on it? Yes and no. I don’t care whether you wear dresses or pants, expensive clothes or clothes from the thrift store. However when in public I normally wear dresses, not because I feel I have to, but I prefer to and in order to not be offensive to others. I don’t even know the most expensive labels and really care about them only if they are advertised in offensive ways, think Abercrombie. My children have worn clothing that many might assume I spent a lot for due to the label or style, however they would find the clothing was given to us or purchased at the thrift store for no more than a couple of dollars.
Yet I will be very judgmental if you are dressed immodestly. If I know you, I just might say something to you. Why? Is this not a personal decision? It is until it affects my family and then it is no longer personal. We must guard our eyes and the eyes of our children.
It would be very easy for another to judge my family just by a casual glance. We have several acres and some might consider that excessive. We have a relatively nice house which some might consider excessive, however since we only have three bedrooms for seven it is a tight squeeze. Eating out is usually once a week, that is something my husband chooses to do and it is often a ministry opportunity when we include others. We have two newer cars (2000’s) that some might deem excessive. However, my husband drives quite a bit for work and he ends up with 200,000 miles on a car that might be just six or seven years old. I have a car because we live so far away from the cities and travel is a must especially when he is out of town.
So it would be very easy for another to judge us as excessive without knowing us. But the key is we are living within our means and are able to share with other churches, ministries and individuals on a regular basis.
However, if we were living the same way and running up credit card debt, unable to help others and I was unable to stay home with my children then we should evaluate our lifestyle. That is why I suggested asking a friend that knows you and or asking your husband. They are better able to help you make wise choices.
But by no means should I blame my husband if my excesses where the reason for him saying I must work and not be home with the children.