“What should a Christian wife do when her husband is unsaved? What if he won’t support homeschooling, won’t go to church, etc?”
Christians should not marry non-Christians under any circumstances. When Christians willingly become unequally yoked, they have disobeyed the Lord and will suffer the consequences of disobedience. Nevertheless, the Lord is merciful, forgiving and offers grace to those He loves.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? ESV
Occasionally, one spouse will become a Christian after they are already married and the other spouse does not. In that instance, then the believer must trust in the Lord and be obedient to the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:13-16
13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife? ESV
1 Peter 3:1-2
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives—
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ESV
The most important thing you can do is to not become a stumbling block to your husband by your own attitudes and behavior. Give the matter over to the Lord in much prayer. Another thing to remember is that there are many, many families that homeschool for reasons other than their faith. The statistics are there to show how homeschool students excel in all areas of their lives, not just as a Christian. Share some of that information with your husband. Also, most unsaved husbands will not object to families attending church without him. If the unsaved husband resists the wife and children attending church then much prayer and thought should be given to finding the reasons for his resistance. Here a Nouthetic Counselor or a godly Titus 2 woman may be able to help.
We as women cannot make having a “perfect Christian family” an idol in our hearts. The Lord is in full control and you can trust Him to do what is best for your family. That doesn’t mean that you don’t work hard at raising your children up in the Lord, but the things that you cannot change must be given to the Lord. Your responsibility is your response to the Lord and your response to your husband and children. Don’t get in the Lord’s way of working with your husband.
The Lord will deal with each of us in His own way and His own timing. The things the Lord is teaching me today is different than what he is teaching another. My “lesson plans” He has written out for me are different from everyone else’s but they have the same goal my “sanctification” according to His Word.
Even in an unequally yoked marriage, there is much to learn about parenting in some of the good Christian parenting books, such as Family Driven Faith or marriage books such as The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective.
We as women have to seriously watch that we do not become a hindrance to our husband’s salvation by nagging and judging. No matter what, you should be respectful, obedient, and submissive to your husband and his wishes. The book by Martha Peace The Excellent Wife is very helpful for women to see just how we sabotage our own families by not being obedient to the Lord in our response to our husband. Mrs. Peace has a chapter in her book entitled “Advice for Women Married to Unbelievers; Biblical Principles for a Wife to Follow,” which is the best I have read dealing with that issue.
Admittedly, your home is not going to be the ideal situation (but then again none of ours are) but the Lord often uses less than ideal situations for His Glory:
Rahab the Harlot (Joshua 2, Joshua 6, Hebrews 11:31)
Abigail and her unbelieving husband Nabal (See 1 Samuel 25)
Timothy (Acts 16:1)
A single mother who practiced Buddhism raised Voddie Baucham and his father was an absent father who used drugs.
I even came from a very broken, dysfunctional family (Roseanne the TV show when I was young, looked like an ideal, wonderful family to me!)
Therefore, you see there is hope for even an unequally yoked family. You just must focus on being obedient to the Lord and let Him do the rest.
But it is taking so long!
Joel 2:25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, KJV
The Lord can restore all that has been lost and with an abundance.