Tag Archive | Humor

Dust If You Must

Luke 10:38-42

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.
40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,
42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
ESV

For the Marthas:

Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

-Rose Milligan

If you still need to dust, my house could use it.


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A Modern Day Speller

My kids are growing up in a much different environment than I did. Some things are just downright strange.

The “baby,” who isn’t a baby anymore but will continue to be unless I get another, has just started Kindergarten. He really could have waited until next year since he has a Fall birthday but then again he couldn’t wait. He knows as much as many do entering first grade. Things such as writing his name, writing both capital and small letters of the alphabet, simple math, etc. Yet he is four.

But his latest development is just downright funny to me. He spells his name for us all the time usually with the added benefit of writing the letters in the air but lately he has added something that would only make sense in the computer age. He spells it like this:

“B A B Y space”

or writes it

“B A B Y -“

The dash is his idea of how to write the “space”.

(of course he spells his real name and not “baby”) :0

But we have no clue why he felt the need to add “space” to the end of his name.

He has typed it a few times on the computer but no more than a handful.

So far he is doing better than my fourth grader whose handwriting is horrible and she never puts spaces between her words.


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That’s Not Loving !?!

Ever heard any of the quotes below?

Especially when sharing what the Bible says on a certain issue?

“This isn’t unconditional love, we are supposed to love unconditionally.”

“I am appalled by the unchristian tone of this … “

“Who gave you the right to judge these people?”

“Can’t we just focus on what we have in common?”

“Don’t be so dogmatic!”

“You may have quoted Scripture but your attitude was not loving.”

“You are so legalistic, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for that.”

“Look at the many people they are reaching with their loving acceptance.”

“If we don’t do ____________ then no one will become a Christian.”

Here is a satirical look at Paul’s letter to the Galatians Church.

If Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians was Published in Christianity Today

Dear Christianity Today:

In response to Paul D. Apostle’s article about the Galatian church in your January issue, I have to say how appalled I am by the unchristian tone of this hit piece. Why the negativity? Has he been to the Galatian church recently? I happen to know some of the people at that church, and they are the most loving, caring people I’ve ever met.

Phyllis Snodgrass; Ann Arbor, MI




Kind Editors:

I happen to be a member of First Christian Church of Galatia, and I take issue with Mr. Apostle’s article. How can he criticize a ministry that has been so blessed by God? Our church has baptized many new members and has made huge in-roads in the Jewish community with our pragmatic view on circumcision. Such a “seeker-sensitive” approach has given the Jews the respect they deserve for being God’s chosen people for thousands of years. In addition, every Gentile in our midst has felt honored to engage in the many edifying rituals of the Hebrew heritage, including circumcision, without losing their passion for Jesus. My advice to Mr. Apostle is to stick to spreading the gospel message of Christ’s unconditional love, and quit criticizing what God is clearly blessing in other churches.

Miriam “Betty” Ben-Hur; Galatia, Turkey


HT: DefCom



I remember a lady at a previous church who would often say the Apostle Paul didn’t like women. Why? Because she didn’t like his instructions to women, they weren’t considered to be loving.

The piece from Sacred Sandwich would be more humorous if it wasn’t so true.



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Out of The Mouth of Babes

My youngest (four) told his sister that he has the Keys to Death. He got them from his daddy!

Last week my husband taught on Jesus and the fact that Jesus has the keys to Death and the Grave. (see The Next Time They See Jesus)

Revelation 1:17-18
17 … Fear not, I am the first and the last,
18 and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.
ESV

Well, for a visual aid, my husband had a large key ring with large skeleton keys on it. To show that no matter how strong the grip of death might be if you have the keys then it can’t keep you.

Obviously the baby was listening but missed the point that Jesus had the keys, not his daddy.

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Last night at supper, the oldest was teasing and aggravating the baby. He calls him a “monkey” all the time (because the baby likes Curious George). So the oldest said “You’re such a monkey.” After a moment the reply back was “You’re such a … blessing.” We just rolled in the floor laughing about that. Don’t know why he said that, but it was sweet and hilarious at the same time.

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My daughter was kissing on her baby brother when he pushed her away and said “Stop, or I’ll start leaking!”

What?

When asked why he would start leaking he said very seriously “My skin will rub off and all my insides will come out.”

Where do they come up with such ideas?

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My oldest son’s graduation was at very large Presbyterian Church in B’ham. It is a very ornate church with huge pipe organs visible all across the front. (That is how big of a church it requires to graduate 110 homeschool seniors, since many have very large families.) My eleven year old boy was sitting beside a Baptist preacher during the services. The pastor asked him if he knew what something on the stage was. He pointed to a suit of armor that was part of the decorations.

The theme verse was:

Proverbs 22:29 Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men. NKJV

So the table in front had knights and chess pieces representing standing before kings, plus a suit of armor.

The eleven year old, who never lacks for something to say, shrugged his shoulders saying “It’s just something Methodist do.”

That really ticked the Baptist preacher and he was sure to point it out to us.


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Humor For Those Who Argue About The Bible’s Authenticity

Have you ever had a discussion with someone that cannot believe the Bible. They argue that the originals are lost and we can’t “know” what they said. Here is a humorous look at what would happen if they applied that same reasoning to other matters.

Man “Debunks” His Own Birth

Earl Bartman, 37, was once convinced that his mother bore him and loved him. But recent discoveries have caused him to dismiss his old beliefs as mere myths.

“I began to study the events surrounding my so-called birth. There were many discrepancies that just did not make sense. My so-called mother had one account in her diary. My so-called father had another verbal account which I had transcribed. Many so-called facts simply did not match. There was also a birth announcement in the local paper that was well-preserved, but it was not in line with some of the statements of my so-called mother and my so-called father.

“My so-called mother didn’t even have a typewriter at the time of my birth. Therefore, the newspaper account must have been a forgery, typed by someone else.

“My so-called mother told the story of how, immediately after I was supposedly born, two nurses took me and cleaned me. While, my so-called father had a completely different memory of only one nurse who bathed me and measured me immediately after I was born. These inconsistencies cannot be reconciled.

Click Here for the rest of the story.

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Siblings

Humorous look at leaving your younger children under the charge of an older sibling. This sounds like what would happen at my house. It is nice to be able to leave the children at home for short trips but you never know what you might find when you return.

Video of Siblings

March 2005, HeuMoore Archive – Siblings: What a Blast! from John Moore on Vimeo.

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Notice What I’m Not Looking For In a Church

Just wanted you to notice that what I’m looking for in a church is not a legalistic church but a Biblical church.

I did not include the following items in the post What to Look for in a Church:

1) Ladies must wear dresses at all times.

2) Ladies must never cut their hair.

3) Ladies all must have long hair.

4) The pastor is always right – you are wrong.

5) Church cannot use drums or any instrument other than a piano in worship.

6) Only a KJV Bible is acceptable – Bible checked at the door. If it is good enough for Moses and Paul it is good enough for you.

7) Dresses must be ankle length or no more than two inches from shoes. Tape measure at the door.

8 ) American flag must be displayed on the stage.

9) Christian flag must also be displayed.

10) All Movie viewing must be banned.

11) Full tithing is required or church discipline will ensue.

12) Members must be present at all services unless an pre-approved excuse is given.

13) All men must wear beards.

14) No man may have hair that touches the ear or collar. If it is good enough for the military, it is good enough for the Lord.

15) Driving a new car shows a preoccupation with material things.

16) Ladies wearing bright colors are vain – only black, brown, and blue will be accepted.

17) If it isn’t in the approved hymnal, it can not be sung.

18) Absolutely no electronic music or media to be used in the church.

19) Pastor must always wear a three-piece suit.

20) No smiling or looking like you are happy – we must all be sober and reflective at all times.


This would be a lot more humorous if it wasn’t actually happening in many churches.

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Never Take Your Eyes Off The Conductor

My daughter and I spent the weekend at the University of Alabama for Orchestra All-State. The conductor for her orchestra was very good, in addition to entertaining enough to keep the youth’s attention for long days, 9:00 AM – 9:00 PM one day. He spent the whole time reinforcing the need to never, ever take your eyes off the conductor, because you may get ahead, behind, or miss your cue.

Doesn’t that apply so much to our Christian Life? How often do we take our eyes off the Lord and worry about our “part” just to find that we have gotten out of step with the Lord the next time we look at Him.

Ps 119:37 Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. ESV

Ps 145:15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. ESV

Prov 23:26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. ESV

Mic 7:7 But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. ESV

Thankfully the Lord is a perfect and holy conductor that will never lead us astray.

Aren’t you glad the Lord is in charge and not Victor Borge?


Hope you enjoy this video.

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Maybe a Denim Skirt?

Surely, there is some middle ground between dressing our daughters as “harlots in training” and dressing them in Muslim hijab.

How about some denim skirts?

Then they can marry these homeschool musicians.

Ours is just a 12 passenger van. We have Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Mozart plus America’s 25 Favorite Hymns series in the van. I wouldn’t say we blast it though.


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